Bigger Things in Life....

There are bigger things in life that I cannot and never able to control….
There are bigger things in life that my opinion doesn’t count…

Why can’t you stand for yourself?

I ain’t gonna give him any shits!
I just wanted to kill him!
That’s it!
I wanted him to be buried alive!!

Wish you were die….
Don’t give a shit how would you die…
Just die!
It’d made us (well, me) happier…

When you are here you making me sick!
Sick of seeing you hanging around!
Sick of seeing you bragging my life down!

Me….I’m never gonna be like you…NEVER!!
Not even close!
I swear….if I becoming you, I’d kill myself!

Take a good look of yourself in the mirror…
You’ll see shits!

You are a piece of trash!

Don’t talk to me about respect if you cannot respect me!
Don’t talk to me about parenting if you cannot be one!
Don’t talk to me about manner if you don’t have one!
Don’t talk to me about feelings if you don’t have one!
Don’t talk to me about being hurts if you always the one hurting people!

From the bottom of my butt…I hate you!!!

yesterday ....

was my last day working at BAG.
if you ask how i feel....i would say i was relieved....
sad didn't came to my senses yesterday....
i'm glad i decided what i did.....

as of now, i'm excited of what lies ahead....it's blur, but i'm excited....

it pisses me off!!!!

noh yang namanya tegangan listrik di rumah gua....
it's just not enough!!!!
every single day musti nge-drop!
can't you read the situation here???can't youuu??
man....i don't understand you!!
you rather spend your money for him instead of the house hold?????
damn it!!
don't make me start hating you.....just don't!!!!

i'm a human....i have limitations!!!
i'm a human....i have feelings!!

THINK WOMAN....THINKKKK!!!!

kacau....

cabut early dari kantor hari ini...
dari semalem pikiran emang udah ga enak, mana mata bengkak lagi...siaul!
so meningan cabut deh daripada kerja juga ga beres....

lagi banyak pikiran....but ironically, i feel numb!

one thing for sure...you can;t get everything you want in this life.....

arg...ga jelas deh.....

lagi ga excited....ga excited about anything.....semua juga begitu aja....
idup lagi datar banget....
i need someone to pray for me...pray hard!

di minggu siang yang panas ....

aku tengkurep di thi...
minjem laptopnya andi...
utak atik yang bisa diliat...
panas banget ni ariii....

ngantuk deh...
pengen tidur...
ga mo ke cempaka mas...
males...
males liatin handphone...
bosennnn...

ga mo ngapa2in sih sebenernya...

cerita cerita yang lalu .....

below are my over due posting....

About the trip …

Took off on 23 Oct to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Arrived at 1 am, Oct 24.
KL is almost the same since the last time I visited. Our local tour guide was a funny guy, Mr. Pon Hong Kong. Went to Times Square mall. It was huge but got nothing inside. Took a peek into KLCC for an hour or two. Then, back to the hotel.

Went to Genting for 2 nights. On our way to Genting we stopped by Batu Cave, an Indian holy place. Got nothing to see. Climbed those 272 freaking stairs. No gambling while in Genting, I rather not to try, as I was too coward. Besides didn’t feel the lady of fortune was on my side.
Instead, we did some shopping. YAY!!!

Last day in KL was okay. Met with Soo Lan at Sunway Mall. It was a short meeting after all. Went to Sungai Wang (wang = money! Why I never thought of that??) later that night. Found my crocs shoes! So happy for me!!! J

The next morning our bus took us to Singapore through Johor Baru. A 6 hours drive. It was okay.
That brother of mine stuck at Singapore’s immigration. Turned out to be okay. After checked in at the hotel we waste no time. We got our tired feet and butts out of to the famous Orchard road by MRT. Man, I love Singapore’s transportation system!

29 Oct 2006 was our last day. Saw the Esplanade (finally!). Took some pictures. It was raining. Did some shopping for the last time.

All in all, (for me) our trip was great. Not great for my mom maybe since she was sick of shopping.

Cannot wait to see the pictures!

2 November 2006

Am I making the right decision?

Been questioning myself. This will be the biggest decision ever. I am scared. This is gonna be way, way, way out of my comfort zone. Will I survive? Will I? C r e e p y!!!

20 November 2006

This is a long over due news of mine.

Let me tell you a bit about her.
She was born on 13 November 2006, at Mitra Keluarga Hospital Kelapa Gading on 4:27pm,weighing 2.98 kg, 47 cm long after a very short C-Section operation.
Her name is Mitzy Naralane. No family name apparently – Please ask the parents why. I called her “Baby”.

Since 16 November 2006 she’s been staying at our house. The atmosphere was difference since then. Difference in a way I cannot describe.

It was amazing when I saw her move. It was amazing when I saw her opened eyes. It was amazing when she sees back right at me. It was amazing when I heard her sneezing, coughing, and crying.
It was amazing when I hold her in my hands.

She is a part of my life that I cannot ignore.

She is my little tiny niece.

Welcome to our family! It’s not perfect, but hope you’ll love it here as I love having you here.


21 November 2006

I had an almost struggling night. It drove me nuts. My blood ran to my head in a split second!
Why you people can’t be quite for one night? Yes, O N E night. Why???

I demand privacy and comfort in my own room. Why it is so hard? Why people, tell me why????

People seems doesn’t care about my presence. Sometimes I wish I were invisible. At least I thought it’d make my life much easier.

I think it’s better for me to stay out of that freakin’ house.

27 November 2006

Spent my weekend over the house. Took care of my little niece.

It was a nice accomplishment. At least I learnt something new. Something I never thought I was gonna do at this age.
It is nice to watch her while she was sleeping. To see her chest and tummy goes up and down. Looks very cute.
It was rewarding calming her down after a rough crying session.
It was wonderful smelling the “baby odour” around the house.
It was incredible and scary at the same time when I held her in my arms.
I think I’m going to miss her so much when she is not around anymore. L

You are my baby niece and will always be!
*Darn, I’m turning into a baby worshiper*

Dragged my self to the office today. I promised myself that I am not going to let laziness surround me today. And I failed! Hehehehhe…

There are 2 new peeps in the office, one for Iyen and the other one for Cath.
It left me with 17 working days until my D-day. Times really flies.


29 November 2006

Wet season is starting! It almost raining all day. I’m loving it as long as I’m in the building.
Have you ever find one that you really want to slap but one never did something wrong to you? I have. The face man, the darn face!!!

I think there’s something wrong with my right point finger. It hurts. It swollen like a giant finger compares to my other fingers.

happy (early) birthday to my niece/nephew...

ehmm....
happy (early) bday my little niece/nephew....
i'll be seeing you this afternoon...hohohohoohohohoho.....
can't wait!
hope you'll be a great kid.....

amennn....

tons of huggiessssss,
your super aunt (to be).....

scattered....

i don't understand...i really don't....
just one question.....WHY?
moga2an semuanya akan baik2 aja....amiiinnn....

by tomorrow, i'm gonna be an aunt!!hohohoohoh....
hopefully the operation goes well...amennnn...

laper!

belon mandi....

mo vacuum boil aja ntar...

mo nonton dvd aja....

kalo dipikir2 orang itu ga bisa ditebak....
dunia oh dunia...aneh2 aja...
banyak yang ga bisa kita percaya....
banyak hal yang bikin my jaw drops....
anehhhhhh......

lately ...

. lost 2 kgs .

. thinking too much .

. worrying too much .

. questioning too much .

. need more money .

. bored .

. lazy .

. it is not fair .

. do not care .

. ....... .

while waiting....

Sunday = a slap back to reality.

Here i am in changi airport...
the last 6 days been great...

tomorrow back to work and not looking forwad to it.... :(

after quite sometime....

here i am....
at home...
using my bro's pc....

few things happen....
the usual life cycle...morning - work - home - sleep - morning - work - home - sleep...and on, and on....
the wedding (btw, you guys married for almost a month!heck...where time goes??)
the resignation decision....'i know i made the right decision'...effective as 16 Dec 2006....
the 'professional' talk with my so called boss....
the excitement of having a family holiday....it's shopping time....hohohoho....
the tennis lesson....i'm willing (WILLING) to learn this thing for ages....

then....what?

tonight we are taking off to Kuala Lumpur...
be back on the 29th...

soo....adios amigos!!!
buhhh-bbyyyeee....

COOL TAMALE!

*feel like dancing....*

......

pengen banget bunuh orang!!!
mungkin it'll make (at least) me much better...
coba kalo bunuh orang itu ga dosa....i'd do it ages ago!

i'm sick liat dia hanging around doing nothing besides slacking!eneg banget...suer!!lebih ngarah ke jijik seh!

man..i aint gonna the things that happen in her life happen in mine!!i aint!!!

blah

hueemmm...
what to write ya?
oohh.....apparently, my english speaking ability is getting worse!

nyamuk lagi banyak banget nih....

current feeling: benci!!!!

a friend of mine ....

I have a friend.
Used to call him Akew. Out of the blue I think of him.
He was annoying.
I knew nothing about him.
But one thing I always knew - he was a good guy.

If by any chance you read this - "Akew, Akew where art thou?"
We should catch up sometimes.

Jakarta macet oii!

blon bisa pulang...soale jakarta macet banget...
ga jelas tu gara2 apaan...gila ya...
sekarang terdampar di rumah si gendut....ngantuk nehh!!
btw idung gua ada potensi jerawat neh...bete....gatel2 sakit gitu...heeemmm...
pengen pulangggg...
masi macet ga yee?

what is a woman/girl/cewe/perempuan/wanita?

This is not the first time I talked about it...

During my weekly car washing duty my mind keep returned to the same subject.
"What is the definition of a woman?"
"How can you tell one woman isn't woman enough?"

Had lunch with C, B, and E last Saturday.
We talked about C's wedding (btw, 12 more days my friend). It lead to the wedding gown, the hair and make up.
Then ngomongin soal gimana C will look like in the wedding dress. Oke ato engga, bakalan perempuan banget ato engga....ya e laaaahhh...GERAH ajee!
trus soal rambut lah....rambut pendek mau diapainnn??mo married kok rambut pendek!yeh!!suka2 the bride to be dong...dia mo botak kek, mo pitakan kek, mo gondrong kaya kuntilanak kek...ya terserah loooooohhh!!!

Trus tadi siang...gua jadi mikiiiirr....selama gua sikat ban boil otak gua muter muter muterrr....
"apa sih definisi cewe itu?"

kalo dipikir2 lagi....kita punya 2 boobies (lengkap dengan 2 nipples), 1 vagina, 1 uterus...then what's so not women enough about us??

apa cewe2 kaya kita itu bukan cewe karena:
- kita punya rambut pendek
- suka pake spatu kets (and FYI itu bukan spatu bola!!!)
those things above called personal style perference.....

As for me, ke-'cewe'-an itu adanya dari dalem hati, dari dalemmm....bukan dari physical appearance doang....
and biasanya kalo cewe or whoever yang denger gua ngomong gitu pasti cuma ketawa2 aja...mungkin mikir im talking bullsh*t....but im not!

I'm not typical chick...with long hair, yang ngomong pelan2, jaim, kalo ketawa pelan2 sambil tutup mulut...bah...soooo NOT me!!!ga banget!!
I love me....ye bo ye......

HIDUP NOT TIPICAL CHICK!!

2 things....

One,
Remembering 9/11....
2,937 people died....may you rest in peace....amen
it's been 5 years!!yes, F.I.V.E. years!!!

I remembered wake up by a phone call from Jakarta around 10-am Milwaukee time. It was my uncle who called. Shocked abish!liat tivi cuma bisa bengong doang....speechless....all classes and activities from 11am got cancelled that day.
Went to prayer ceremony later that night or the day after ya?

two,
on getting skinnier and skinnier....
not proud of it!musti makan yang buanyaaaaakkkk yeee....
and body juga uda ga oke neh....klewer2 dimana2...ikh!

18 days to go my friend

just the three of us ....

the oldest woman, the second oldest, and the youngest man in the house....
we'll gonna make it...
somehow....
i promise....

recap

oke....
ada apa aja ya seminggu belakangan ini?

2 sept 2006
went to red square....got drunk!bad one!supposedly Candice yg mustinya drunk really really bad...kenapa jadi gua?got the longest hang over (2 days!)...
i promised myself not to drink anymore (at least in the next 6 months)....

3 sept 2006
still got the headache....darn alcohol!

4 sept 2006
back to work...with the headache of course...

5 sept 2005
in the office...i felt okay....went to plaza semanggi. rencananya mo beli tas...tapi apa daya....rencana tinggal rencana....malah si gendut yg beli celana jeans...

6 sept 2006
meriang!di rumah

7 sept 2006
ke otek. dikasih obat...tidur seharian

8 sept 2006
getting better

9 sept 2006
im okay!back to work on monday!hiksss.....

kalo dipikir2...apa semua ini gara2 alcohol????darnnnnnnn!!!!

20 days to go my friend.....

killing time ....

Lagi buang2 waktu nih...
ntaran mo pergi ke red square...ama kendi, andi, nyot.....
this is gonna be her night....
semoga aja semuanya lancaaaarrr....weeerrrr!
rada ngantuk neh sekarang....
blon tau mau pake kostum apa....apaan ye?yang comfy tapi asik....

nyamuk banyak banget.....

tadi ke gading ama kendi...nonton the break up...
buat para cowo...you guys better watch it!that movie is basically sum up our (wowen) whole point....
gih gih...recommended buat cowo2...ehuehue....

lunch di la porchetta....talked ALOT!it was fun....

kinda excited with our new career plan...

siap2 aaahhh.....cari bajuuuu....

29 of August

couldn't sleep last night!
my eyes were closed but my mind kept spinning.
thingking the unthinkable!
stay awake until 3 o'clock in the morning.
woke up late (of course) at 6:45am. huaaa....
ran around the house to get ready.
left the house around 7:34am.
heavy traffic jam this morning!darn!
arrived at the office around 8:20am.

it was 9-ish when people came by my desk and checking my tiny little business out. it was great. have 2 items left. hopefully, they really gonna take those things. amen!

it's 10:25am.drank my coffee about an hour ago. it felt good.

i need my sleep. this is one of those days - where my grumpy mood button become super sensitive. but to my surprise i feel okay. no bad mood on the way. amen to that!

read a light novel last night. the setting was bali. men, i really wanna go to bali again. the beach, the sun, the people, the traditional market. i'd by some paintings if i had the chance to go there. waaaaa....anyone wanna go bali??

borrowed 5 novel from pola. hohoho...i wonder, maybe i like to read (light novels) but i dont like keeping all those books that i have read. hehehhe....so better borrow!

talked about Dubai with my uncles and the aunties. it would be in my list of places i need to visit before i die.

read an interesting email from one of my collegiate.
"The TOP 5 Things That Keep You From Success"
1. A lack of motivation.
Success comes from loving what you do. Is your current job your passion? When your study highly successful people, you understand that they have at least 1 thing in common: they love what they do and they do what they love. Is this the case for you? If the answer is no, you can start by identifying your passion. This is the best way to get motivated.

2. A lack of faith.
Faith is a firm belief in yourself, God or others that you can do it. Build up a strong vision of what you want to accomplish. In developing a vision, the law of attraction is going to work for you. You are going to attract people, opportunities and money that will allow you to develop an unstoppable confidence.

3. The fear of failure.
The fear of failure doesn't exist. Neither does the fear of success. Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. Micheal Jordan said himself that "Fear is an illusion". It is hard to overcome fears. One simple way to overcome the fear of failure is to read inspirational stories and quotes of people that achieved their dreams. Read one every morning. That will give you strength and hope.

4. The wrong strategies.
When you want to build a business, to achieve something really big, you need to have mentors. You can't allow yourself to loose time, money and energy. Mentors are people that will give you the right strategies; they will provide the right information and will inspire you. They will coach you through the process. Choose correctly your experts, your models. Work with them and adopt the same thinking patterns, the same strategies, the same beliefs. If he did it, you can do it too.

5. Limiting beliefs.
Often times we have limiting beliefs about what we want to achieve. For example, you can really want to achieve a goal but at the same time something tells you: "It's not for you, you don't deserve that" or "You can't do it, remember". These thoughts pollute our minds and darken our life. A quick way to stop these damaging thoughts is to use the power to say no! First, represent in your mind the "limiting belief" and say NO! To it. Now, represent in your mind what you want in its place and say a big YES! You will be amazed how your attitude suddenly changed about the old belief.

mendadak laper ya....masih ngantuk seh...

oh ya...one thing about jakarta.our governor sucks.
yes, sutioso you sucks!!!!
the busway and monorail project are silly. traffic jam getting crazier and crazier each day!it wont solve jakarta's traffic jam problem. morron!!what the hell were you thinking?bener2 ga ngerti!!

arisan keluarga

Went to arisan Hendarmin's family di gading.
Felt akward....aneh aja....gua nih, bukan tipe orang yang bisa ber-haha ber-hihi di depan para tetua...aneh banget rasanya...
kaya outsider....
trus nyoba buat start a conversation...makin aneh aja rasanya...blah banget dah!

eniwei, congrats ye yang uda punya cowo!!!hohohohooh...kenalin dong!

pulang ke cawang...pala cekat cekot ampe sekarang...perut laper...ga ada makanan...lengkap lah sudar penderitaan gua...

what do i want in life ye?
barusan baca kiwithesis....she knows what she want.....lah gua...BLANK!
mate aje kali yee....gua bingung seh sebenernya mao apa....
i know this is my life...ini idup gua...all depends on me...tapiii....gua mao apaaa??
pusing tau!

stok nyamuk lagi gila2an nih di rumah...amit2 banget deh!bentol2 digigitin nyamuk....

back to work tomorrow!

one said ...

"To understand someone is not to understand everything but accepting the things that you don't understand"

Is it really?

hari ini...

Hari ini...
ke gading, lunch ama si gendut

hari ini...
ke gading, benerin kopling boil...mahal aje!hiks...

hari ini...
my feeling back to square one....back to basic...the very basic....he gave me goosebumps and smiles for no reason!!!

hari ini...
was okay....

now i have something to write about

ehem...
went to taman harapan indah...
excited about that possibility....possibility to jump into a very different working situation....
amen amen....
2007 ya?
think about it!!

nothing

lagi ga mood nulis since i dont really know how i feel....
hmmm...
lagi ada michael buble di tivi....
i love his voice...
hoaaa....dia nyanyi save the last dance!!hoaaa...hoaaa....
oh well....gitu aja...*basi ye...ehehhe*

phrase of the day

"Keep my options open."

Based on this particular circumtances, I might need to re-think my path of life.
Where do I wanna go, who I want to spend the rest of my life with.
That kind of things.
As for now, I might need to keep my options open in every aspect since I don't know where life would take me.

Along the road, I might make some unreasonable decisions which I might/not regret it one day. But, as of today....I made up my mind to find other port for my heart....To find a tiny little possibility that someone out there is really for me.
Yes, I made up my mind already.
Sounds silly?Please read the italic sentence above.
Unfaithful?It's up to you to decide. Have you ever think how I feel?Have you ever put yourself in my shoes?Looking things from my glasses?Stop being so selfish.
Gua kecewa....sangat!

in the last 48 hours....

involve in an interesting conversation with marco - details in my diary already...males ngetik lagi ah....
yang jelas im so glad i had the chance to chat with him....thanks for the inside opinions and thoughts....

pilek lagi!sebal!

pergi ama candice and tante pau, nyedengin baju penganten....it was a nice dress....first, i didnt really like the blue thing on the waist, just doesn't belong there....but when i looked at the back of the dress it shows more style....bagus!
i like the stones....bling bling banget...ehehehhe....
on our way home tante pau ngomong gini, "iiiihhh de, mami mah paling ga mao ngelupain kebaikan orang."...jegeeeeeerrrr!!!kaya disamber gledek gua....glapok, gepplak...plokkk!!
it made me realize how selfish i am....
some how i dont know what to do with people who are nice to me....i didnt have the gesture to show how i care....coz i raised that way....
but i want those who care about me to know that i love you guys!really!!

lately, gua juga mikir kalo ternyata peranan gua di keluarga itu udah berubah...im not a 'free as a bird' second child anymore....lebih ke head of the family....
i cannot do whatever i wanna do anymore....harus mikir if i do this, efeknya ke orang lain gimana?

lagi ga betah di rumah neh....mao pegi aje kali yee....tapi idung masi meler ga keruan gini...

iseng ajah, coz i miss my blog

Good day, ay!
alrite...
one thing i know about me...
perut gua itu sensinye ajubile....gampang keganggu....

semalem nonton miami vice....it was okay lah...but the cars were so damn good!
my fave would be the white bmw...seri 6 katanya....cantikkk banget tu mobil...

kemaren si gendut asked me to stop drinking coffee....and gua keberatan!setelah gua pikir2 lagi pagi ini...i'd give up coffee if he'd lower his weigh....gemanaaaa??hohohooh....
katanya si lagi diet...but we shall see...

*bener2 ga penting postingan kali ini* hehehhe.....

coffee, coffee where art thou?

finished my medicines already, but there is a second phase!
darn it!
i miss coffee very much!

that is it!

1 aug 2006 is the date i will always remember as it'd be my starting point to hate him even more.

if being a murderer is not a sin, i'd kill him by now.

if being a good child is to be quite and didn't do anything to make things better then i'm not a good child at all.
if being a good human being is to defend and cover one's mistakes at all times then i'm not a good human being after all.

as i grew older, i learned i would do anything in my power to destroy my nightmare.
as i grew older, i learned God and candice are the people who knew me best.
as i grew older, i learned my heart is become numb(er) and numb(er) even more.
as i grew older, i learned how to hate one to the max.
as i grew older, i learned that the only reason i'm here is to defend her. nothing more, nothing less.

i promise myself that no one (NO ONE!) can ever treat me the way he treats her for past 31 years.

i'm NOT sorry for what happen last night. not in a million years!

i'm thanking God for my quick reflects.
i'm thanking God for the guts to let my anger out.
i'm thanking God for there were no tears.
i'm thanking God for i ain't nothing like him.

i hate you, yes...you!
you have nothing, you gave nothing.
stop being so powerful and arrogant when you have nothing at all.
you don't even have self respect.
stop being such a jerk and die!die die die die die die die!!!
we'd better off without you!
piece of shit!

aer dalem kuping

kalo ada aer masuk kuping...it'll freak me out!
kasus di bali nov 2005....brenang....aer masuk...kan orang2 masukin aer lagi ke kuping...dipancing gitu lah....
nah kalo kasus gua, dimasukin tu aer....dipancing...eeeee.....malah makin banyak yang masuk ke kuping....it took the crap out of me!!
freaking out!!huaaaaaaaa.........
buntutnya....mewek!hohohoh....

ga penting seh...cuma pengen nulis aja....hehehhe......

cerita ceriti

27 Jul 2006
nonton Don Moen in concert...akhirnya booo!!bisa liat dia live!
i used to adore him...and kayanya sekarang lagi deh...ehehhe....
the concert was GREAT!SUPER!love every minutes of it!

28 Jul 2006
skipped work...ke puri mall, nemenin kendi cari balon...
trus ke buaran...sore ke dokter lagi....huaaaa...me disentri again!what the hell is wrong with me seh?
malem ke mall, cari baju buat poto outdoornya si kendi...
trus nonton pirates of carribean...it was good!
pulang jem 12 malem...telerrr...

29 jul 2006
back to work!huaaa...buanyak kerjaan....ngebut..kerjain semuanya...
after that ke nikko hotel.....
si iyen bawa si jo...huaa...he's so adorable!!cute cute cute cute!
sempet nyemplungin dia di bath tub.....lucu sekali...
jadi pengen punya anak kalo liat kaya gitu...ehuehuhe....
sorenya berenang...cuapeeeeee....malemnya teler....jem 10-an udah tewas tak berdaya!!!

30 Jul 2006
bangun pagi, breakfast, berenang.....capeeeee
pulang ke cawang...capeee banget.....tidur siang 4 jem!!hehehhe...
bangun....trus go no where...di rumah aje...capeee....
besok back to work deee......

i want my 3 kgs back!

lost 3 kgs in 2 weeks over boker boker....
shoot!
gila ya....skarang i weigh about 46 kgs....dem!!!
moga2an saya cepat sembuh...amiiinnn.....

25 jul 2006

gua wonder...kenapa perut gua belon bener juga?kayanya system pencernaannya ga oke neh...kutu ah!katanya sekarang lagi musim disentri...diiihh..amit2 kalo ampe kena lagi...amit amit!!

entar ke dokter dah gua....

lagi mikir, siapa sih yang sebenernya peduli ama gua aside dari 'you know who' and her mom?

siapa lagi??ga ada juga...dibilangin gua sakit juga kayanya ga ada yang ambil pusing....dari nyak, cowo, sibling mah hopeless!kalo gua uda sekarat kali ye baru pada pusing....baru pada sadar kalo i'm here!

tapi ga juga kali ye...buktinya waktu gua sekarat juga mereka biasa2 aja...waktu 70% of my body liquid gone mereka juga biasa2 aja...you never watch by my side, malah you asked me if i need you by my side.

coba kalo the asshole yang sakit....wah...sibuuuukkk!!!heboh!bela2in minjem korsi roda (which sebenernya ga perlu)....bela2in bujukin si kampret oprasi ke blanda yg abisin ratusan juta...sedangkan gua cuma di taro di kamar kelas 3 tanpa ac!!!!

hari ini gua mo ke dokter juga dia cuma bilang "bodo ah!"

dear madam,
what did i do to you?im trying my best to be a good daugther but you just didnt see it. or you just too busy taking care the big baby? you keeps giving me the bad and taking the good away from me. i dont understand!what did i do to you?please explain...never mind, you must forget those reasons already!
you never looked at me as a daugther...simply as a maid when we have no maid around and as the bad person when something bad happen. let me ask you, is it fair?if you told me you did those things coz you love me, please show me what you meant.

sincerely heart broken,
me.

24 jul 2006

kemaren ke rumah duka dharmais...bokapnya cele passed away...sedih banget....but mereka keliatannya tabah...so its good lah...

Om Edward, may you rest in peace.

=================================

senen lagi neh...nguantuknya ajubile bin jalii..lilililiiii...

males kerja seh...hehehe..

oh ya brandon routh itu guannnteng yak!a very very clean cut guy!!cakep cakep...tapi sometimes suka keliatan terlalu mulus buat cowo...eheheh....*ga penting amat ye*

====================================

ooohh one more thing about me...im not an observant type...sama sekali engga...some examples:gua uda kerja almost 2 years (yeesss 2 yrs) masih banyak ga tau nama orang2 disini, terutama nama expat...abis mukanya mirip2 semua...

kaya kemaren ada tante2 duduk di depan gua lagi cerita ama orang disebelahnya waktu bokapnya cele meninggal...gua ga denger tuh...padahal si ade denger padahal dia duduknya lebih jauh dari tu tante...gua sama sekali engga...

gua ga suka nongkrong di mall ato cafe cuma buat ngeliatin orang2 lalu lalang....nope!ga banget!bosen buat gua...

orang ngomong apa gua suka lupa...inget mereka pernah ngomong soal ini itu, tapi ga inget specifically apaan...cuma ngeraba2 aja...

mungkin gua terlalu asik idup di dunia sendiri....sampe ga peduli ama lingkungan sekitar...terlalu cuek ato simply terlalu egois?

dari dulu gua dicuekin seh...
dari dulu gua ga ada yang meratiin...
dari dulu gua terbiasa berjuang mati2an buat segala sesuatu yang gua mao
dari dulu gua terbiasa disakitin sampe akhirnya numb
dari dulu gua terbiasa sendiri....
dari dulu gua terbiasa hidup susah...
dari dulu gua terbiasa menelan kepahitan yang bertubi2 sampai detik ini...
dari dulu gua udah terbiasa dilukain...belon sembuh yang dulu eee udah ditambah lagi..dari dulu gua uda biasa dikecewain....

so salah ga gua kalo sekarang gua turned out to be a very selfish person?salah ga gua kalo gua sekarang lebih fokus ke diri gua n berusaha make my self happy?

======================================

lagi pengen nulis banyaaakk banget hal...tapi kayanya semua ga gitu penting...hehehe...

as far as suasana hati....lagi blur...masih merem melek....masih galau...*cieh*

as far as the future...cannot wait to go out of this hell called the office....be free and struggling for myself....

======================================

semalem ngimpi soal tato...heuhueu...parah men!ceritanya tukang tatonya sampe dateng ke rumah gua...n gua ketakutan gitu sampe dikejer2 buat nato...anjrot!yes, i was thinking to get a tattoo...tapi gutsnya blon ada...masi jiper2 gitu lah....masih mikir2 nanti gua nyesel ga?nanti kalo uda jompo bleber2 kaga tu tato gara2 bodi gua udah klewer2...masih banyak pertimbangannya seh...so belon tau...we shall see lah....

======================================

udah laper neh....

see...my mind keep jumping from one thing to another....

baru sadar kalo lengan gua tuh bleweh bleweh gitu...amit2 dah..udah mulai workout lagi seh, tapi masih belon teratur....udah musti mulai teratur neh....

tentang aku

things about me you might/might not know:
1. not a smoker
people (esp. the one who doesnt know me well) assumes i smoke.
they are surprise when i told them im not. ooo well...

2. a very (VERY) tidy person
people think im the dirty and messy one. but im not. cannot stand a dirty n messy room, desk, lemari or anything. for me, putting the stuff on the exact spot is very important. closing anything that can be opened is very important too (kaya pintu, tutup botol shampoo, odol, tutup hairspray, etc.)

3. tv is one of my best friends
almost can't live a day without tv.

4. NEVER had long hair
umm well, i did once, but it wasnt coz i wanted to. financial problem is the answer. hehehe.

5. they call me boty
masih ga tau what's 'boty' means?my family from mom's side still call me that.

6. i envy those who has more privacy than i do

7. wants a tattoo (little one)
but never had the guts to get one. building it right now!

8. cengeng
ampir semua orang ga nyangka kalo gua cengeng. biasanya orang2 kan nganggepnya gua tomboy n stuff.

9. not athletic
dicap tomboy leads people to think that im athletic. but im not AT ALL.hehehhe....

10. i like to be in a bakery shopthe smell men and the presentation...cannot tahan!i'd bought them, take them home, and i usually dont eat them. enjoying the pleasure of buying.

11. coffee is my love
MUST have a cup of coffee every single morning even when im sick. hehehe. i love the smell. i like the color. i love the taste.

12. loves shoes (who doesnt?)
check out my shoe rack and count how many shoes i got. hohoho. shoes are my medicine.

13. 2 kids for me
both boys please. i prefer boys than girls. why? coz they are simpler. i know they can be a 'devil' sometimes, but for me they are the cutest.

14. black is my color
black is dominating my wardrobe. somehow it boost my confidence.

15. cannot sing
never never ask me to sing. i can kill myself. i chose to fail in music subject once coz the teacher ask us to sing in front of the class.

16. had a belly pierce
i want it back!!!!!!should i get it back?

17. always always and always wanted a white wedding
fell in love with that wedding gown in "wedding date" movie.

18. loves romantic comedy movie n chick flicks
they are easy to watch.

19. impatient person

20. not an adventurous person
steadiness is an important element in my life. steadiness in relationship, financial, etc, etc.

21. loves a clean cut guy
no moustache and beard please. no long hair. ear ring if match will do.

22. my left eye is smaller than the right one
it looks weird sometimes.

23. the shape my point fingers are different coz my old garage door slammed my right one when i was 4 or 5.

24. i make small thing huge
katanya kendi gua begitu, which bener juga seh...ehehhe

25. dont understand why people having bird n fish as pet. what's the fun of that?

26. not creativenot good with starting ideas, prefer to developing them.

27. loves extreme sport/challengei did sky coaster, bungee jumping, and sling shot. mau coba terjun payung nanti.

28. wearing a stilleto make me feels good of being a woman.

so far itu ajaaaaa.....hueeee.....

antara aku dan dia

19 Jul 2006

"kugandeng tangannya, tapi dia mematung", MKG3.150706.9:40pm

pernahkah kamu rasakan kehilangan seseorang yang berada dalam pelukanmu?

pernahkah kamu rasakan kepedihan yang luar biasa disaat kamu sadar impianmu tentang masa depan bersamanya mulai tenggelam?

pernahkah kamu rasakan keraguan-raguan melanda?

pernahkah kamu merindukan kehangatan seseorang?

hidup ini penuh teka-teki

hati bertanya padaku

sejauh mana aku akan melangkah bersamanya?

katanya hidup ini tentang pilihan

diriku terombang ambing antara ya dan tidak

kemana masa-masa yang selama ini kubayangkan

katanya kenyataan itu pahit

kutanya aku, "masihkan hati ini berdetak untuknya?"

kujawab aku, "masih."

kutanya dia, "masihkah?"

kuharap dia bilang "masih."

aku cape
aku butuh istirahat
aku mau kepastian
kepastian kalau dia dan aku mau bersatu
aku mau
dia masih ga tau

kapan dia dan aku mulai jadi 'kita'?
mungkin besok, mungkin lusa, mungkin taon depan, mungkin 2 3 ato 4 taon lagi, and mungkin ga akan pernah ada 'kita'
aku ga akan pernah tau

udah usaha
cuma bisa nunggu
biar waktu yang menjemput semua rasa sayang ini
terserah mau dibawa kemana
......

it's time to shape up!

yes yes..
better shape up!
perut udah gendut
tangan udah kendor...eeuuuwww!

ga ada apa2 seh sebenernya...
hari2 gua ya cuma begini2 aja...hehehe....

besok kerja lagi....gitu2 ajah...
bosen yee...

15 jul n 17 jul 06

15 jul 2006

bangun tidur
melek mata
i was okay
sempet ngobrol ama nyokap dulu malah

get ready for work
start to feel blue
that bloody bro of mine got on my nerve!
i HAVE MY OWN car, bought it with MY money....lu punya apa seh?semua juga masih dibeliin...kalo belon bisa cari duit jangan blagu deh....

driving to work
mood mulai ga oke
plus ada kijang tolol jalan kaya kura di jalur paling kanan
dasar begooooo!!gua klakson, gua dim...tetep aje ga tau diri!
naek darah!gua salip pake gaya angkot..kesel...
tampang mulai berasa beratpenuh tekukan!

sampe kantor
parkir
turun mobil, kok nyium bau angus ye?
what is wrong?im sure its not the machine
pray pray pray....hopefully everything gonna be alright
amen...

everybody better watch out, im not in the good mood...

arrive at the office...
ngantuk...
males...
cerita2 dikit...
ketemu kendi n barbara streisand (juehejue)
kerja...all done now!

oh ye, today i saw a bimoli (BIbir MOnyong Lima sentI) LITERALLY!guess whose bibir i saw???yes, yes, yes...baski's....HOHOHO...it was the monyong-est bibir i ever saw..ever!!

perut mulai sakit...will have my period bentar lagi....kayaknya!

hari ini mo ke mall gading....ambil sample SK II...mo nonton....mo jalan2 aja seh benernya gua....

thinking of letting my car go before i fixed those things i think needed to be fixed....tapi ga rela juga, sayang...gimana?dilemma melanda neh!

going to toko to help out tomorrow....it'll be a hard hot loooong day...hari senennya mo dateng siangan aja ah...pasti gua kurang tidur dah...

mo pulang neh, tapi si bos kampret muter2 aje dari tadi...ga ada gawean ye?

lagi mikirr...gua lagi pengen belanja ga ye?ga juga seh...gua pengen cukuuuuurr...

bensin uda sekarat...hehehe...tadinya mo isi shell, tapi ga jadi..mendadak gua ga rela...baru hari ini dapet dokat udah langsung kepake....hari senen aja deh baru isi bensin...

ngomongin dokat jadi inget dompet hush puppies gua...blon dipake yak....trus kalo dipikir2 ternyata lumayan banyak juga baju baru gua yang blon gua pake...

==================================

Jul 17 2006

thanks God i survived yesterday!went to toko...puanas n ramenya ga nahan...but the day was gone quite fast (surprisingly)....pulang jem setengah 10-an ampe rumah

last saturday wasnt my day AT ALL!!adaaaa aja yg bikin gua naek darah!gile...kalo sering2 kaya gitu mah gua bisa mati gara2 darah tinggi!hiiiyyy....amit2 deh...

its monday...males kerja...hehehe...bengong2 dikit...ga jelas mo ngapain....mbak mira ga masuk...that old yet modern typing machine udah beda lagi...gua ga bisa...ah bodo ahhh...dduduuuduuu....

eke ga ada kerjaan...eke ga ada kerjaan..dududud....

hueemm....

==========================

comot sana comot sini...

i tell you ya...
that person is very very blagu!
ngaca donnnngg!kaya lu kegantengan aja...
lu buang2 waktu orang aja lu!!dia udah dateng buat interview juga....
udah disuruh nungguin lu nelpon eeeee ga diinterview just because she is not the kind that you like...
emang what kind si that you like???
heraaannnnnn!!!
orang kok ada seh yang kaya gitu?kok ada??bingung...
bener2 ga ada perasaan, ga ada manner...gua jadi mikir gimana nasib bininye yee??doooohh!!!

enough about that cfo ah...

tadi pagi eke mencret dengan suksesnya...ehehhe...
dinner bubur, kok rada eneg yak??

i dont wanna lonesome tonight neh sebenernya....tapi ya apa boleh buat....heekk...
nelpon counter SK II yg di gading...samplenya udah pada mo abisss..huaaaa!!!
besok mo ke gading ajah...i miss gading mall...ehehhehe...kayanya gua paling comfy ke mall itu...ehehhe....dari jaman sd udah maen disana...
kalo dipikir2 tu mall gila juga ya...jadi segede2 bagong gitu...dulu batesnya dari bioskop lama ampe diamond yak?aje gile bin jaliiiii.....

trus ada apaan lagi ye?
need to fixed my car neh....banyak prentelannya yg musti dibenerin ato ganti....kalo ngikutin ati yee..listnya goes like this:
- lampu kecil (too lazy ke tempatnya)
- shock breakers (too expensive)
- ban udah botak (idem atas)
- spooring n balanci (musti ganti ban dulu)
- speakers (not top priority)
- nyalonin boil (idem atas)

SIGH!

its friday night....and gua nangkring di rumah dengan suksesnya....ya ga apa2 juga seh...ehehhe.....*ga penting yee??*

ah maen game aja deh....

.......

From me to Miss Indonesia, Nadine Chandrawinata.

First, pardon me about laughing my ass off on your world wide interview. Listening her answers gave me goosebumps. Hard to believe? Unfortunately it was true.

She is surely a beautiful and smart looking gal. But her English speaking capability simply doesn't match her appearance. Her biography mentioned speaking English FLUENTLY. Fluent is such a strong word, very strong!Man, it was such a disgrace!

Why can't she just speak her native language a.k.a Indonesian language??why?why?at least it'd saved her (and us) from humiliation. And she might be able to give a more decent answer.oh well, mungkin orang punya pikiran yang beda2...

It doesn't mean I have a very good English myself. Nope. Far from perfection, but at least gua cukup tau diri.She might nervous, but come on...you ARE Miss Indonesia and competing in Miss Universe (UNIVERSE!) pageant, you should know these things are on your way. You are our ambassador. You are obligated to do better than that.

So Nadine, good luck on promoting our 'lovely' country.

Note: This is just piece of my mind, my opinion. If you don't like it, get over it! This is my space! And again, this is the internet, you know you can find all sort of things in this cyber world. Ciao!

tentang yang ga penting

Pembukaan: "kutu kupret!!tadi udah ketik banyak eeeee ga sengaja ke double klik jadi ketutup windownya...kuampret!!"

udah mulai angkat barbel n sit up lagi
otot2 lengan n perut pada sakit sekarang

udah 3 hari ini perut gua ga beres....mencret2...payah!

tadi lunch di kedai merah, apartment kuningan....ditraktir (kamsya ye bo ye)...makanannya si lumayan, tapi pelayanannye itu loh....luaaammmaaa banget, padahal sepi aje tuh cafe....jangan mereka beli dulu kali ye ayam ama sirloinnya....but it was a good 2,5 hours escape from the office seh...ehehe...

during lunch si bo nanya soal 'kenapa we cannot have it all?'...kayanya adaaaa aja yang kurang...yang tajir kadang idupnya ga bahagia, yang baenya setengah mampus idupnya kok susah banget...
men, you ask the wrong person!i cannot answer such question...gua lagii!!
tapi menurut gua..it just the way life is....as simple as that....ada yin ada yang (or yeng ye??).....ada yg bae ada yg jahat...gitu lah...

kemaren edrik nelpon...pedahal baru 2 ato 3 hari yang lalu gua mikirin dia, mo sms tapi lupa...eee dia uda keburu nelpon...we talked over an hour....it was fun...
kalo ngomongin edrik gua jadi inget masa2 sma dulu...3s1...i had a blast!
duduknya semeja ama dia mulu, ogah pindah....
thought he was a bit nerd, but he turned out to be a great friend....sampe sekarang masih kontak2an....
jaman dulu kalo ulangan belajarnya dibagi 2...trus saling bantu..kocakkk!biasanya dia paling tegang kal disuruh nyontek...keringetan, gemeteran sambil megangin anduk..lucu banget kalo diinget2...eheheh...

ga ada abisnya deh kalo ngomongin masa muda....
i miss the energy!!

it's time to cari duit yang banyak..orang ada yang bilang money isnt everything...i dont think so se....as i grew older, gua jadi mikir money itu almost
everything....ga ada duit bisa apa luuu?
hari geneeee.....
mo kawin butuh duit, idup single pun butuh duit, mo punya anak duit lagi, mo seneng2 duit lagi, mo nyenengin orang duit lagi....tuh kan...haiyaahh duiiitt oh duuuiiitt...
call me matre or whatever terserah lah, tapi emang kenyataannya duit itu almost everything...

eniwei...toko lagi rame banget...hari minggu kudu bantuin lagi....kuat ga ye gua?panasnya itu loh yang gua ga tahan plus berisiknya mak2 pada tereak2 minta dilayanin...huaaaaa.....

ooohh well.....

few days back - 11 jul 06

buncit....

dikala ku bangun pagi, kutemukan perutku membuncit...aneh!perasaan semalem ga makan yang aneh2....cuma makannya emang banyak...hehehhe....tapi rasa rasanya ini bukan akibat makan banyak, tapi masuk angin...ga enak punya perut buncit....berat!mo loncat sana loncat sini agak agak susah....jadi kaya orang bunting neh...

hari ini bawaannya mo kentut and burping mulu...huemmm....

tuh kan uda mo kentut lagi...what's wrong with my tummy ye? bosen neh...cannot wait until the day i give my resignation letter to him!hehehe...should be great!ya ga seh?

after lunch time...won the sleepyhead battle with myself!yay!

what to do ya?i've finished all my crap today!

ngantuk ngantuk ngantuk ngantukkk.....

uring-uringan

neh gua yang akhir2 ini lagi uringa2an...
ga jelas kenapa
ga tau kenapa...
yang jelas lagi sebeeell aja ama orang rumah...
each one of them...
kayanya adaaaaa aja yang bikin gua empet!
sebal!

trying to put my emotions aside, tapi ga bisa....
gua orangnya emosian, ga sabaran, panasan....blagu juga....so what?

plus lagi bosen juga ama idup gua....blon ampe bosen idup seh...soalnya i havent achieve anything....

oh ye, waktu itu gua mesenin orang2 kalo gua mokat, gua maonya dibakar aja trus semua abunya dibuang aje....biar ga ngerepotin....ehh gua dibilang GILA!
lah...cuma mesenin kok...coz you just never know what'd happen...itu aja...

napsu belanja masih ada....tried my best keeping me from the mall, espcially from the department store.....

i really need to shape up!!!kemon kemonnn...semangat!!
kayanya gini gitu gua males banget...

something is missing in my life!!i need 'the' spark!!

the past 2 days....

the past 2 days weren't my day at all!

on 4 july 2006, oooohh btw happy 4th of july to all of the americans...
should be fun there...fireworks, bbq-ing, hanging out in the sun (minus the pollution), drinking beer (i dont like it seh, but i love seeing people doing it!)...men..life was good back then!

back to me...
yesterday, i found out that my so called "boss" is such a coward!
he didnt have the guts to talk to my face!!!!!!
instead he talked to my little boss about my "liitle jump" he saw earlier...DOOHH!!
what's wrong of being a cheerful person?what's wrong of expressing my self that way???
it's not like i always jumping when im walking!!!
for your info sir, i love being me....if you didnt like it, well its just too bad coz you'll see some of my "little jumps" later on....
he also questioned her about my work attitude....darn you!
i work fine!just fine...i know what im doing....
if you want a serious-face-in-the-office = faking it person....well, you got the WRONG person!
i know when to work on my craps and when to laughin my ass off!
you just simple didnt see that!
old people says, "never judge a book based on it's cover"....
if he said it to my face i'd appreciate you for being man enough....
you're just a coward in my dictionary!

and today, he acted like i wasnt exist....you as*hole!he asked a question, i answered and then he talked to my supervisor regarding that thing...she doesnt have a clue, SIR!!!you should talk to me instead!!OXXY MORRON!!

then, as if it wasnt enough yet....when i tried to park my car, a super stupid motorcycle driver hit my car!!!!!!!!!guobbbllooooogggg!!you saw my car there, im so damn sure...but you're so ignorance yet stupid and kept moving that old vehicle of yours....
nyalahin gua lagi...kutu kupret!lu kira gua takut ama lu??enak aje lu!*double middle finger UP*
pengennnn deeehh gua punya pistol....if i do, i'd put that thing in his head!!so you can think!!!
pengeeennn deh gua siksa dia by siksa his family....first his kids, then his wife until you begged me for my mercy!then i'd let you go you once you have nothing...literally NOTHING!!
and then you know you dont wanna mess with me!
f*n*ui MUST die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!

i made my choices

kata orang, life is about choices...
and this morning i made my choices....to live this day to the fullest!!!!
ato dengan kata laen....jangan beteeee ni ariiii....amiiiinnnn

july already??

waktu cepet banget ye....gila...
tapi kok kayanya gua masih disini aje....hehehhe...
you know what....aint gonna talk heavy stuff today!just wanna enjoy my day....well, my life tepatnya...
musti bersukuuuurr with what i have.....ammiinnn....

eniwei, yesterday merawat diri...ehehe...dari ujung pala ampe ujung jempol kaki....heehhehe...
scrubbing my body, pencetin komedo, masker.....indah deh...jarang2 kan begitu...
ngomong2 leher gua sakit neh...salah bantal kayanya...nengok ke kanan ga gitu bisa kecuali dipaksa....doohh doohh...duuuu.....

akhir2 ini gua sering ngebayangin gimana rasanya tinggal sendiri....enak, ga ada yang ngeresein...mo ini itu ga perlu pusing....

ngapain ye???

its all about the money....

watched a chinese movie last night, have no clue what the title was...
the story goes like this...a boy and girl fell in love. both from very different social status.
the boy - Jiafu and the girl - Rounan. Both was 18. Jiafu was from lower social status. Rounan, you can guess, yes, higher one. Jiafu's father was a bus driver, his mother was a restaurant hostess. On the other hand, Rounan's parents were the top lawyer of the country.
They met, they danced, they laughed, they played, they dated, they made love. Rounan got pregnant. Both parents were devastated. Her parents wanted her to get an abortion in order to save her future. She declined. His parents willing to take the responsibility.
They ran away. Lived in an abandoned house outside the city. They were okay for a while. Then, reality bites. They need money. Jiafu tried to find a job. He worked his ass off. The wage wasn't enough, especially when he got a pregnant woman by his side. The parents' intervene needed badly = support = MONEY!

jeeehh...it's all about the money yee...

i knew it!!!!!!!

you still are an asshole!!!
and you will always be one....

my cents

first thing first,
im definitely not in a good mood!

second,
ngantuk!

third,
im offended by his remarks, im not 'buy-me-everything-with-you-money' kind of person!!if you think so, you didnt know me at all!!!have you ever know me at all for the past 3 bloody years?

fourth,
im shattered...

fifth,
a question. should i continue this journey?

sixth,
im NOT a materialists!

seventh,
i hate you!

eighth,
i never meant all the "i-like-it-n-buy-me-that" thing. just for the sake of saying it. if i really like it, i'd buy it myself...i have money, you know!

ninth,
im glad you trust me with all of your confidential stuff but you'd better shape up!stop whining about having no money. i aint wanting your money at all!keep it to yourself!

tenth,
you missed the whole point - my point was im tired fighting over money!!!!!!!

eleventh,
so where should i put myself in?

twelfth,
f*ck man!

thirteenth,
!!!?##*#@!@#???

a bit up date

first,
it's a bit late...

22 june 2006 - it's been 3 years of us!
soo...congrats to you and me!

yesterday, went to one of my cousin's wedding (the last banch...finally!), the entry procession was too much drama....the music was pretty great at the beginning....the food - okay lah!
the 20 millions rupiah dress (katanya!) was so so....cannot believe it cost 20 millions!!!emang kokay suka aneh2....

STILL cannot understand why people loves to comment on everything i wore and have - the dress, the boobies, the purse, the walk....what's wrong with you guys???coz i know there's nothing wrong with me!!!
hey, if you like to comment on everything...i can give you some too!!!want it??i mean, do you really want it?watch it, or you'll be sorry if i 'opened' my mouth!!

bought that miracle water i've been talking for mom....gua juga coba seh...hhohohooh....ga ngerti sugesti ato engga, yang jelas muka gua jadi alus aje...hehehehe....feels nice kalo dipegang...eheheh....

kalo diinget2....masih ada beberapa wedding taon ini and taon depan...jeeeennnggg!!sept 06, oct 06, nov 06, jan 07...ckckck...buanyak ye!!

pengen jalan2 deh....si o'oo ke malaysia 9 hari tanggal 5 juli...IKUT!!!

humpft!

some uks and some uts.....

aku tahan kantuk
sampe ngangguk ngangguk
kerjaan bertumpuk tumpuk
pasang muka kusuk
aku belaga sibuk
aku celingak celinguk
liat orang2 pada sibuk
aku makin terpurukdalam keadaan yang buruk
ingin mengamuk
menghantam kelabu hiruk pikuk
aku ngoceh sampe terbatuk batuk
menahan murka yang makin terbentuk
jancuk!
ayo semangat jangan mengkerut
biar jalan di depan licin berlumut
biar pandangan penuh kabut
jangan sampai terhasut
ayo maju terus pantang kusut
mari panjatkan doa sambil berlutut
semoga kita tidak lagi takut
menghadapi hidup yang penuh kemelut

ceritanyaaaa....

18 Jun 2006 was the date!
Congratulations to Maret and Devi....
Out of the blue (for me at least) they planned to get married!
selamat2...
I had fun in your reception besides acara ngenal2in cowo...ckck...emang sepupu gua sedesperado itu ye?dont think so...
kadang2 ga tahan ama kekepoan orang2....biarin aja lah, kalo dia blon punya cowo kan bukan berarti dia ga bakalan punya cowo!stop nyodorin cowo2 "berpotensial" according to your standard!
kebetulan aja gua udah punya cowo, makanya ga disodorin!kalo ga mah, pasti gua juga udah kena....

anyway, makan seafood "Dapur Umum" di Ancol....damn cheap for seafood standard!!!!tapi nunggunya itu loh yang ajubile lamanya...40 minutes!
it was worth it!

i need new shoes or selop...
oh ya found a very very very vintage clutch bag in mom's pile of old bags!!soo happy!!!will use it sometimes....

the office was okay today....

kekenyangan sekarang, abis makan sarang burung...well lebih tepatnya sih ager diparut, kasih selasih, plus gula cair...ehehhe...enak...

akhir2 ini ga mood ngomongin soal perasaan and pikiran gua...

duuu...duuu...duuu....

huummppfft

ga tau mo nulis apa...ehehe...
cuma kangen update blog gua aje!
abis udah lama banget ga di update....
hari ini di kantor ga ada babeh, besok juga!horeee...
yaaah gitu lah idup!gini2 aja...
tadi ditanya ama si kendi my negative behavior...awal2nya bingung juga seh, tapi setelah dipikir2 jadi banyak banget ye....ehuehuheu...me far from perfection!

lately, i have no semangat!boyo!!

??

kemaren kondangan...2 biji....trus pulang....
hari ini bangun jem 7:30pm....
oh ye...as of today, we are maid-less again!!darn pembokat!
rese lah!

gua lagi pennngggeeeenn banget nonton udah dari sebulan yang lalu kali, cuma ga pernah kesampean...ada2 aja...
giliran hari ini mo nonton eeee ga jadi juga...sempet bete seh....tapi ya sutra lah...
ke cempaka mas hari ini, mo liat spatu teple...eeee ga jadi juga...bete bete bete bete!!!

mikir kemarenan...sometimes i had enough about one person's attitude!!!
ga adil ajeee....and im sure someday gua bakalan meldak!dueerrr!

pengen jalan2.....gua stress ngadepin yang namanya idup!!lalalallalaaaaaa....

ah ngepo aaahhh ama yang baru nge-date tadi...duuuuuu.....

postingan kemaren...

8 jun 2006

in the middle of working hours my mind keep jumping from one thing to another...

last night i sunked myself to the electronic world...friendster.com to be precise...saw couple of my friend's siblings...she looks so happy, she looks so mature, she looks so elegant, she looks so DAMN rich, she looks so smart and professional....to sum up, she looks PERFECT!thinking when i'd be like her...not literally like her, but half of her would be more than enough...

this morning, had a talk with candice about true love and soulmate...one of our manager just lost her husband...he was everyhting to her and vice versa...he was her soulmate, when he was gone he tooked half of her too...ada ya cinta kaya gitu...i thought cuma di dalem cerita ato pelem doang...

life isn't fair heh?

gua bingung ngadepin idup...turn back time udah ga mungkin kan, makanya kadang2 i wish i had doraemon...i'd ask him to use his time machine, go back to 5 years ago and stay!mungkin itu sebabnya kali ya nobita ga pernah naek kelas...kelas 4 mulu!mungkin dia enjoy di kelas 4....ya kali ya...

life's sucks right at this moment!i live but not alive!

gua suka...

- guling gua
- nonton tipi
- anjing
- minum kopi pagi2
- nongkrong di cafe mana ngobrol yang lama
- tidur
- ngemil
- jalan2 but no backpacking....not that kind of person
- shopping
- writing
- difoto..kadang2...
- gunting rambut
- long warm bubble bath
- warna item
- my parfumes collection
- gaun item banan republicku...my precious!
- my old ugly nike shoes
- being alone
- chick flick movies
- dengerin jazz
- suara rod stewart...mo ngundang dia ah for my wedding...yeah rite!keep dreaming bebeh
- my karimun
- nama2 for my future kids - fergie, given, silver, drake
- ngelamun
- turn my mind to the past 5 or 6 years
- dancing

.....and the list goes on....

yang aku mau...

aku mau jadi young married couple
aku mau jadi orang yang berarti
aku mau liat negara inggris
aku mau keluar dari rumah
aku mau hidup sendiri
aku mau pergi sendiri
aku mau sendirian
aku mau punya anjing
aku mau punya 2 anak
aku mau ngapain aja suka2 jidatku
aku mau orang2 tau yg aku pikirin
aku mau orang2 tau sakit hatiku
aku mau orang2 tidak menilai aku dari gaya jalanku
aku mau orang2 ga ngomongin aku

kadang2 aku mau pergi dari planet ini...

ocehanku

udah ngetik...eehh ga bisa di post...kuya!
ga ada yang penting seh sebenernya...
masi nyari jati diri...itu aja seh...
masih nyari apa sih yang gua mao?
masih mikir apa si tujuan idup gua?
i lost my grip for so long....
*damn, kaya ABG aje gua!*

let's go shopping!

really in the mood for shopping!
ga jelas mo beli apa, tapi lagi pengen banget belanjeeeeee...
ga penting seh...hehehhe...
malem minggu neh and jem segini gua masih di rumah...ga seru banget deh...bosan daku!

slight coma ....

yes, i had a slight coma this morning, around 11 am-ish...

the symptoms are:
couldnt see that clear (you know, like semut2 ditipi gitu)
my lips turning white
my hands felt cold
couldnt walk straight
spinning head
dry mouth
MAJOR tummy attack
passed out for 10-15 seconds in the restroom (FYI, almost sunk my head in to the trash bin!! - can you imagine the nastiness if i did??eeeuuuhhh!!)

tiny bits of me kept thinking that im gonna die!*thock thock thock choooyy*

all leads us to the key reason of that matter ..... my period!
hohohoho....

about today ....

woke up around 6:40am...it meant kesiangan!huaaa...
went to the office
work here and there
so sleepy
went home...
beresin seragam buat di toko
pinggang sakit
berat2 banget tu barang!
cuci piring....
ditinggalin nonton davinci code!

i learnt it's better to accept people the way he is than to change him the way i want him to be....
ngurang2in bete, ngurang2in beban...terima aja setiap orang apa adanya walopun ada sedikit ato banyak hal yang ga berkenan buat gua...much better....
and im tired usaha bikin people happy!why cant you accept me for me?

Mystery Case File Huntsville

Can't get enough of it!hehehhe....
seru meeeeennn!

my deepest condolences to the victims and families of Yogyakarta's current catastrophy...
dunia mo jadi apa?

have you ever think that you demand so much from someone?dududududu......

acak acakan

okay where do i start?
just finished washing the dishes....
yesterday we had a surprise party for mom...she was shocked of course!happy too!
it went well i guess....

beres2nya itu loh yang ga nahan...mana ga ada pembokat pula!sukses la gua jadi pembokat sementara!

went home today and the messy house got on my nerve!!!bener2 berantakan!!kotor!!
langsung beres2....bete!benciii liat yang kotor2 kaya gitu...

anyway, besok libur!yay!rencananya mo ke mangdu ama nyokap, tau de jadi ato engga...

were there special things i miss ye???kaya engga ada....lagi agak2 "numb"...hehehe....
the pilek is still here...go away fasttt!

no internet in the office started to kill me!have no new games or whatsoever....gua suka staring blankly to the monitor!anjrot!sedih amat yaaa...

i like being on my own...kaya sekarang...i really need my space...

nothingness

there's nothing to write about...
just nothing...
plain nothing...
kayanya my passion to write udah gone with the internet connection!
darn semut bako junior, ass kisser!!

btw, i got pilek syndrom again!!!bencii!!kenapa ya gua boyo banget kalo ama pilek???

oh ye, nonton God so Loved the World by Jakarta Broadway Singers (JBS) di balai sarbini kemaren....
denger2 katanya balai sarbini itu the best performance hall di indo, and i dont think the term "the best" comply....
the sound system was quite bad!suaranya bisa ilang2 gitu seh...and i think staffnya juga kurang berpengalaman...di tengah2 play tiba2 lampu sorotnya bisa jatoh!waaa!
kaget juga waktu liat pemainnya pake wireless mic (yang kaya orang2 konser tu, yg diattach di kepala)....i thought i would be something like broadway stage in NY, the mics were placed in the stage (where the audience couldnt see) and the building is especially build for that kind of show...apparently i expect too much...

apart from the sound system...the show itself was quite good, even there were some boring parts....overall, it was good!

talked with devi on the phone today...men!just found out kalo ternyata dalem keluarga gua (from mom's side) itu pada benci ama satu orang....jeehhh!!!rusuh juga ye....

ngantuk banget sekarang dahhh!!!!

dep dep dep

setelah 2 hari ga join dunia maya gua kangen juga...ehehhe...

dapet blush on impian gua...yay!senangnya...heheheh...

kemaren dinner di seafood ayu, enak men kepiting saos padangnyee...
trus hajar duren...hasilnya:sakit leher sekarang!monyong!
bangun jem 4 pagi hari ini, gara2 idung mampet and denger ajan subuh!sebel!
sekarang ngantuk banget nih...so sleepy!

hari ini ga niat kerja.....seperti biasaaaaa......
males ye...ga konsen update....

twenty five years of me

feelin okay, not excited...just okay...
probably becoz im here at the office...screwing my day (amit2 jangan sampe screw)

got bandulan kalung from mam pau
kendi, you still owe me that body shop blush on.....
tetito, you still owe me puma shoes....

hohohoho....

second day without internet at the office

surprisingly i survived, even sometime there were moments we looked at each other and have the "then what??" look on our lost faces...ehuehue...

garing abis seh ga ada internet di kantor...amet2nya ajubile!

it's just not fair!*says who life is fair??*

nothing special at the office i must say....
oouuhh, the highlight of the day....no babeh in the house!YAY YAY!
need to talk to him about the net connection, i need it!ya hopefully dikasih seh...
i miss dunia maya you know!addicted already!hehehe...

!

as of today, 16 may 2006
that freakin' office of mine disconnect the internet connection. looks like they prefer their employee to be more effective (yea rite, effective my ass!)
nyebelin banget!sumpeh!!bettteeeeee....

berminyak

euuuuwww!
udah 2 hari something wrong with my hair...berminyak gitu seh!ikkh!!kesannya gua ga keramas....amet2!gua keramas tiap hari yee...nasty kalo engga!
apa salah di shampoonya ye?ga jelas...perasaan tu sampoo udah gua pake satu botol oke2 aja kok, masa baru sekarang nongol masalahnya...annyoing abish!

eniwei...
ape ye?ga ada apa2 jg se sebenernya...ehehhe...

oh ye, weekend ini mo nonton jakarta's broadway show...."God so Loved Us" judulnya kalo ga salah...ehehhe..excited!mo tau gua kaya apaan seh shownya...eheheh..

du du du du du du.....

waoups!

this morning i feel very very sleepy!
kemaren tidur jem 11 malem soalnya....
nyetir juga sempet merem melek gitu seh...akibatnya, tadi pas mo parkir gua nyenggol boil orang...eheh...maap pak!sumpe ga sengaja...untungnya mobil dia n gua ga apa2...it was a very slight bump...so i guess it should be okay!

moga2an aja orang2 dibawah ga ada yang rese...ameeennn!!!

belly dance for me

one question popped up waktu ngepo ama si kendi...
actually, not her question seh, but you-know-who lah...

pertanyaannya something like this, "trus gunanya lu ikutan belly dancing apa?"

my answer would be:
- i want to learn something new
- i need a way to show my true color (caelaaahh!)
- i'm bored with my life...
- i need to do some excercise
- i want to have something to do besides work and couching potato
- i need to spend more time with my best friend -*stuju??*
- i'm craving for new experiences
- i want to feel good about myself
- i want to be sexy in my own way

i know this kinda thing won't produce any material income, but it produce psychologial income. it brings me excitement when im shaking my hips (no porno mind here please!!).

i'm aware there are tons to learn about and i can't wait to learn some more...

weekend review

alright...
where do i start ye?
ohhhhh!i know...

may 13th was public holiday....YAY!no work!YAY!
went to sanggar anips with candice to learn belly dancing....
it was really hard, really!how suppose i split my hips from the rest of my body??
shimmy all the hour away...sampe gempor tuh pinggul gua....mo copot...
blon lagi belajar gerakan tangannya....snake hands lah, persian hands lah....jadi tau kalo badan sebelah kiri gua itu kaku banget!
yang kanan oke lah...yang kiri itu loh...parah!
trus ke PS...muter2 ga jelas....nongkrong di starbucks akhirnya...
pulang ke cawang...practice my shimmy shimmy...i think i got it!amenn!

took a nap at 5:30pm *if you still can call it a nap*...then, went to gading around 8pm...to mlb's house...then to mall gading with tetito, nonton basic instinct 2....oke lahh...
kebelet pipis abis nonton...
muter2 gading nyariin ropita...ee ketemu...makan pisang bakar coklat keju!!ennnaaakk banget!yamm yammm....
pulang deh around 1 am....tidurrrr...

bangun jem 11 siang...yehehe...
jem setengah 2 gua uda molor lagi ampe setengah 5...indahnya dunia...
jem 10 malem uda tewas lageh....blakk blakkk....

yah begitu lah weekend gua....quite interesting....

coffee

the thing about coffee is if you drank it too much is...
your pee would smell like one!

hehehehehehe........

it's friday jek!

hari jumat, harinya agak2 santai...

besok sabtu, jek!
harinya goyang pinggul....AUUUHH!!
blon cari jalan neh....udah liat peta se kemarenan, kayanya tau seh....aminnnn....
blon dapet shawl ato scarft....

males update lagi ahhhh

internet connection

huem....
kayanya internet connection di kantor udah mulai ga bener ya...
ga suka neh gua...friendster gua beberapa hari ini lamanya ga kira2...trus saking kelamaannya jadi error deh....

udah 'bangun' dari post lunch time...hehhe..ngantuk banget tadi...

hari ini kamis ye, ada amazing race, ada american idol...yay!sedih ye hiburan gua...cuma tipi and buku lately....

have nothing to write about seh...
uda beberapa hari ini my writing mood offline...
yang online malah something yang ga jelas...hihihihi....

wondering about belly dancing history....better googled that thing out....

dieep deiip duuoph

gua bingung sebenernya mo nulis apa...

ohh iyee...
jadi mikir lagi...do i really (baca: RRREEEAAALLLYYY) wanna try belly dancing?
would i be able to move my hips side to side, up and down, muter2?
jadi mikir!?!?!???
setelah mikir2 lagi,....YEP, i REEEAAALLLYYYY wanna try despite the malu2inya nanti, konyol2annya nanti, and resiko encok2 pinggul...yes i wanna try!

tadi pagi macet, denger2 di radio si gara2 ada jazz biru mogok di saharjo...aje gile aje kali!cuma gara2 mobil seimprit gitu mogok macetnya sampe bypass yg mo kearah casablanca....geblek!
ada taksi rese juga lagi...mo nyosor aja!tidak berpendidikan!
tapi untuuung masih dapet parkir di belakang loh....untung banget deh....masih kosong!

*neh uda mulai ngomong yang ga ada isinye nehhh*....

oh ye, mo buat surprise party buat nyokap...masih rough banget seh plannya...

jalan2 yuuukk....pengen shopping neh....hehehhe..mati gua!

It's my car you are using

gua keseeellll banget!!argh!
if you used someone else's stuff ya tau diri dikit lahhh...liat2 dong and pikir perasaan orang yang lu pinjemin barang!ga bisa sesuka suka lu dong!jelas2 mobil gua mini....diisiin barang tau berapa banyak sampe shock breakernya turun gitu...nanti kalo rusak, gimana???
nanti ujung2nya gua yang musti keluar duit...
sebal!

dup!

sent that job application already...
tadinya males, but i did it anyway...nothing to lose juga...
yaaa we shall see...
kayanya i forgot something dah...anjrot!!REFERENCE-nye lupaaa!!argh!
pupus sudah harapankuuu....hiikkkss....only God will help meee....so....please God...help...

dup dup dup dup dup

my dotted mind

bosen, but excited on the other side...

bosen...
ama kerjaan, ama idup gua

excited...
soal belly dancing, soal jakarta broadway singers

hari ini waktu jalannya lama banget....masa baru jem 11 lewat seh?
mungkin dia sendiri juga lagi males and bosen ye, kerjaannya cuma muter2 aje, itu2 lagi yang dikerjain...

ujan nih...jadi makin mellow aje gua....
pala juga agak2 cekat cekot...
i lost my motivation neh....lost it somewhere....

GIMANA CARANYA BIAR JADI ORANG KAYA YE?
thought amazing race would help (kali2 aja masuk tipi eee diliat ama producer iklan, trus jadi bintang iklan gitu...ehuehue....), ternyata ga epek...sampe detik ini ga dipanggil buat interview...

otak gua mummmmettt banget...i really need to take a break...
apa mendingan gua berenti aja ya, trus see from there....gimana?
bisa ga ye?oke ga ye?

jujur aja, cari kerja juga gua ga niat....gimana?bantuin toko aje?ga jelas juga....duuhh.....yg namanya masa depan emang paling ga jelas...idup ini semua serba ga jelas...gua mo nanges bombay aje deh....

ikut undian aje ye...kaya power ball...kali aja dapet 1 million dollar....ato ikutan kuis nico siahaan...rejeki 2 M...kali2 aja...euhuehue......

PUSING!

belly dancing....

got some info about belly dancing...
pengeeenn nyobain...siapa tau aja this thing would be one of my skill gitu...ehuehue...ya ga skill seh, hobi lah...atooo kegiatan lah...
itung2 sekalian olah raga...hopefully i have the guts to go there on my own kalo ternyata gua suka...aminnnn....

akhir minggu kemarin . . . .

sabtu, 6 mei 2006
bangun. siap2. kerja. pulang. makan emi ama bonyoknya kendi. pulang lagi. ngantuk banget yak. took a nap. bangun jem setengah 6. siap2 lagi. ke plaza senayan. mo ketemuan ama anak2 madison. eee ketemu meli. makan di spaghetti house. ke senayan arcadia. ke gelato bar. ketemu rahmat. red square vodka first anniversary. decided to go home instead. it was 11:30pm when i reached home.

minggu, 7 mei 2006
woke up. it was 7:20 in the morning. natural call. peed. mom told me something. SHOCKED! mlb want to sell the house. wth? WHY? couldn't go back to sleep. decided to go to church on 10:30am. went to gading. gado gado at gading batavia. ganti angin ban. one thing done. mall gading. food court. sit down and seruput my a&w sasaparilla. to tetito's house. hang out. not for long. went home at 6:15pm. take a shower. dinner. chat with mom a bit. went to bed at 9pm.

one thing i learnt yesterday

never trust your collegiate completely...
they are so nice in front of me but that one stabbed me from the back, even it's not that hard still stabbing
they're talking on my back....
sebodo teuink!wek!

laphaaarrrr!

about my car

yep, MY car...
i made up my mind....ga akan jual mobil itu...
i've invested my time and money on it....
gua ga rela liat dia pergi dari gua...

that's my decision this morning.....

Labor Day, 1 May 2006

I know im late....
Buruh masih rusuh di jakarta, i dont really know gimana di tempat lain...

~intermezzo: baru tau kalo dikepala gua ada jerawatnya, kegaruk lagi...sakit men!end of intermezzo~

gua serem entar pulang gimana ya?Apa bakalan macet banget?
nyetir sendiri lagi...monyong dah..
moga2an ga ada apa2 yeee....
serem juga ye ada rusuh2 gitu lagi...gua takut se knowing i couldnt do a thing to make it better...

~ 2nd intermezzo: pengen boker dari tadi pagi, sebenernya tadi pagi uda seh cuma tidak maksimal~

lalu masih kepikiran soal bensin....moga2an yang si gendut bilang bener...aminnn...aminnn...
masih juga kepikiran pengen punya temen gay...dimana ye nyarinya?

~3rd intermezzo: gua beli keripik...excited!hehehe...

kalo dipikir2....subject entry gua ama isinya sama sekali ga nyambung ye?hehehhe...biarin lah....

oh ye, sepupu gua dari pihak nyokap ternyata ada yang mo married lagi, so total sepupu married taon ini ada 4 orang...satu cowo, 3 cewe..aje gileee!

kepikiran juga soal boil gua yang di luar....moga2an aman2 aja ya...amin....

pengen pulang neh...mo nonton american idol...who's gonna out tomorrow ye?

bensinku ooo bensinku

kepikiran soal boil gua tercinta...
gimana ya nasibnya?
apa beneran bocor lagi kah?
gua jadi kepikiran...

gimana yeee?stress neh gua...kemaren waktu gua cek ga ada yg bocor kok...apa perasaan doang ye?takut banget neh gua...monyong banget daaahh...

laper neh...
baru jem setangah 12...hari ini lama banget ya jalannya....
hmmm....

how ye how ye?how?
i think we shall se kali ye...gua stress loh...serius deh...

hmpf...hmpf...hmpt

this is another complaints of mine, another negative mind of mine, another bad bad opinion of mind, another sarcastism of mine...

warning: for those who reads my blog and gets really tired of these things, please skipped this entry before you hates me...or have you?don't care anyway...it's my blog = my space...can say anything i want...

some people say that i have problem communicating with my family, maybe there're right...

gua cape musti keep up with their behavior, gua cape musti compromise mulu seumur idup gua and they didnt even try to return the favor, gua cape diresein mulu....
i just wanna be on my own...

sekarang lagi baca buku yang judunya "Truly Madly Yours" and somehow i can relate to one of the characters, Delaney Shaw (bener ga ye family namenya?)..
dia itu mirip gua, wanted her space, wanted to be alone ga tergantung ama orang tuanya...
bedanya dia ama gua itu, dia dapet semua yang dia perluin, dia diatur mati2an ama orang tuanya biar jadi 'orang' and continue the business...and gua ga diatur gitu seh...malah kadang2 bisa dibilang kurang perhatian dari orang tua...which i dont really care....i can be on my own, im used to that!

mao punya kamar sendiri aja musti perang dulu, emang freedom isn't free!
gua eneg tiap hari musti liat dia mondar mandir di rumah dengan gaya manjanya, sering marah2 pula....rese tau!ikh!

one little thing that makes me happy....i parked my car outside the building and i just feel that it's my little accomplishment of being independent....from now on, i'll my butt down to the office every single day!no need him to drive me anymore...
i'm enjoying every single tiny seconds while i'm behind the wheel...

got headache today....since last night seh...kebangun mulu waktu tidur...cekat cekot neh pala gua....dem yo!udah makan paramex seh tadi, moga2an aja cepet sembuh....

a thing worried me...kok kayanya gua nyetir boros yak?apa selang bensinnya bocor kaya waktu itu ye?gua jadi bingung!kalo musti ganti bisa sekitar 2-3 jt-an...argh!duit lagi!!doh doh doh....amit2 tok tok tok chooooyyyy jangan sampeee gara2 itu, mungkin aja gua emang lagi narik2 trus and moga2an bensin boros cuma perasaan gua doang....aminnnnn...