n g a n t u k

ngantuk...
artinya sleepie...
artinya mau tidur..
artinya butuh tidur...
artinya mau peluk guling...
artinya mau masuk slimut...angettt...

tapi...
blum mau tidur..
mood tidur blum ada...

laper...
yaaahh.....
tadi padahal udah makan banyak...
kacauu...

aku...
mau apaaa....
lalalalalala....

not proud of these things!

losing my weight since the past 2 monts...
it's time for me to really eat up!

in the midst of complaining and asking stupid questions to the big guy up there
im human maaahh...
but im no ordinary human, im a positive human...so tomorrow i'll be back to the stronger me...

hehehehe....

die hard 4.0....checked!
harry potter 5....checked!
simpsons the movie....checked!
transformers....uncheck juga ga apa2 lah....
hehehehhe...

udah bersukur bisa nonton tuh pelem2 listed above...hehehhe...

trus ngapain aja ya kemaren?
i feel better, much better....walo kadang2 suka masih agak2 blank tiba2....
tapi langsung get my mind on something...
talking with people who cares really helps lighten my burden....sumpeh...i dont know what would i do without them....mungkin sekarang gua masih 'gila' kali ya....
and im glad im not!!!wooooohhhoooo...

oh ye minggu depan mulai tenis...yay!akhirnya...belajar juga...tau de bisa kaga...euehuehue...

Still learning ....

To love God more and to put Him as my first love object.
….Really don’t know how yet…please show me God….

How to forgive and forget.
….Coz I know ga ada gunanya benci sama orang karena itu cuma akan merugikan gua. Besides, apa lah artinya idup tanpa pengampunan?

To see things from God’s perspective or dengan kata lain belajar jadi orang positif
….Bener-bener ga gampang, coz it’s all in my head. Semua prediksi-prediksi yang gua pikirin itu blom tentu terjadi. Mungkin aja malah the other way around.

To hear God’s voice
….I’m not sensitive enough (yet).

To give thanks in all situation in my life, the good and the bad
….At the end, pasti the best thing happen for me from my God.

To have peace in me….
…in my heart….

To love my life
….dengan segala kekurangannya ….

To let go of all the things that didn’t happen as I wished it to happen

To fight and do everything in my power in life
….And memasrahkan hasil akhirnya pada Tuhan…

To grow up and how to be the bigger person in life

To stop questioning and start believing

To be less selfish
…and start thinking about other people. Di luar sana banyak banget orang-orang lain, dunia isinya bukan cuma gua dan masalah gua….di luar sana masih banyak masalah-masalah yang jauh lebih berat dibanding masalah gua….

To live one day at a time a.k.a jalanin aja
…since there’s literally nothing (nothing!) I can do about this.

After all, life is about learning, heh?
We never really graduate from this school of life until our last breath….

Should I?

Start drinking coffee again??
some inside, please?

By Anonymous

To smile when the heart is heavy
And all is full of ill
When the path of life is dull
When the roses have all dropped and died
And their perfume now all spent
When stream dash madly, wildly on
With fury giving vent
When birds are silent in the trees
Beneath a sky cast grey
Yes, to smile when the heart is breaking
And joy has taken flight
Is ever a courageous thing
And so precious in God's sight.....

the peace inside...

udah keluarin unek-unek...
udah beruraian air mata...
udah feel soooo much (much much much) better...
getting better everyday...
terima kasiiihhh.... :)

ada yang tolol.....

tadi gua pissed off banget!!
gara-gara ada yang tolol...super tolol!
after mikir mikir lagi...well, it's none of my business, tapi kenapa gua bisa pissed off ampe segitunya...
tau ga sih perasaan gemmmmeeesss kok ada orang tolol banget!!!
tau ga sih perasaan you've said everything you need to say, tetep aje tuh otak kaga kebuka...
it's all in your head!!it's all in your mind!
stop thinking....just thinking without never started doing anything!
toloooollll!!!!
you'd better listen other people....jangan keukeeeuuhh/keras kepala dengan pikiran sendiri yang ujung2nya ga jelas kemana....disiiiittttuuu ajaa....
kapan mau maju??
duuhh!!gua ga ngerti deh!!!
gemmmmeesss bangettt!!
tadi nih ya gua pengeeeenn banget nonjok, nendang, gampar, plus jedotin!!*sadis banget yaaakk!!*

enough about ketololan....
moving forward...

lagi juggling nih...should i start drinking coffee ato engga ya??
binguuunng....anyone?any idea?
sudah bertanya-tanya ama yang diatas sana....tetep blon dapet jawaban...

udah 2 hari ini gua lagi baca buku "How to Deal with Your Broken Heart", this is the second time I read this book.
yang pertama kan dulu cuma baca begitu aja....tapi the second time it really opens my horizon...
it's indeed a great book!

ngantuk!

another reminder (AGAIN!!)

lagi iseng iseng baca bulletin board di friendster yang biasanya males gua baca....
trus nemu ini...
"The moral of this story is that when
things don't seem to be going your way,
always know that God has a plan for you.
If you place your trust in him, God
will give you great gifts. We don't always know what God's plans
are for us. We just know that His ways
are not our ways, but His ways are
always best."

lagi lagi dan lagi....thanks ya God...

eniwei, baru balik dinner ama edrik...
had a great conversation about life....
kita emang grow up....emang kita harus grow up...
grow up is a choice...ehuehue...i choose to be one!
most people choose to be one!eheuheuhe....don't they?heuhuheue....

bits update about me...
toko udah slower....*fiuh*...tapi tetep aje gua musti mengabdi ampe akhir bulan...tapi ga apa2...demi sesuap nasi seraup berlian...ga apa2....aku relaaa.....lalalala....
trus trus udah ga sabar mau skating lagi....pasti kaki pegel2 deh...
trus mau pijet *iye bo, lu gua traktir!bawel!*
trus mau ketawa-tawa menggila ama temen2ku tercinta semuaaaa...
dan tak lupa pasang radar untuk datangnya sang belahan jiwa dari Tuhan....tuuttt...tttuuuttt....

campur aduk....

cape...tapi ga pengen istirahat
ga ngantuk...

kecewa...yes, banget....
well, kecewa udah makanan sehari2 yah...
kalo ditanya soal apa....apaan ye?pokoke kecewa aja....eheuheu....

percaya...yeap, percaya...
i surrender all my life to Him...

mau nangis...yes, mau nangis...
cuma ga jelas gara2 apa....and i know gua sedih bukan things that happen in my life...those tears weren't for me....ga tau buat siapa...aneh ya....*kendiiiiii, i blamed you!!!you put those thoughts in my head!!!kutttuuuu!!!*

2 hari yang lalu baca blog one of my friend....isinya gini...
"That day, it got me to think..... really, don't settle for anything less... I'm not saying that the other 2 churches are anything less than FAC, but don't lower your standard for something that GOD put in your heart..... because it's something that HE wants you to have..... I still couldn't believe, it's everything and more.... I just need to be patience.... for HIS timing is not ours....
and I guess, the same thing should apply to soulmate.... don't settle for anything less than what GOD intended me to have... no rush... I believe in HIS timing, and it's always perfect...."

another reminder....lagi lagi lagi dan lagi....im glad...really glad....beneran.... :)
terima kasih ya Tuhan ya....
Tuhan bener bener selalu ngingetin rini.....again and again....terima kasiiiihh yaaa.... :)
terima kaaassssiiihhh......

Thank You All!

hari ini....
i'm glad....
sangat sangat bersukur...
banyak banget orang orang disekitar gua yang bener bener sayang n care ama gua...
thanks banget buat doa dan supportnya selama ini...

hari ini....
perasaan gua ga keruan....
gelisah gitu bawaannya and i didn't know why...
cuma ati gua bilang kudu berdoa...ya sutra loh....
berdoa lah saya (padahal kaga tau mau doa soal apa)....
and i'm okay sekarang....
lega lah....heheheheh

my 300th post!

okay...
ini list film yang blom gua tonton...
1. die hard 4.0
2. transformers
3. harry potter 5

ada yang mau nemenin nonton kagaaaa?
i'm available early august....temenin dooonnngg....*narikin orang-orang yang mau ditariiikk*
pllluuueeaaaseeeee......haaiikkksss....

masih berjuang ....

di toko...
....hasil berjuang di toko:
- betis and tulang kering pada biru-biru gara-gara kejedot-jedot lemari
- dapet penghasilan...YAY!!
- dapet pilek plus batuk...batuknya udah mau sembuh...ehehehe...
- dapet free juice every single day

....yahh begitu lah...i cannot wait to go out and have fun!!!!!

tadi liat ....

on our way ke gading tadi ama family gua liat bulan sabit and bintang yang teraaaaaaaaang banget...
itu bulan sabit ama bintang bisa berjejer side by side gitu...and keliatannya ga jauh dari bumi...deket banget ama bumi malah....
seumur-umur baru pernah gua liat something like that....
hari gini di jakarta yang penuh polusi gua bisa liat bintang terang banget udah suatu anugrah!heuhuehue....

tadi ke gading....liat si ding-dong after quite sometime ga liat....
udah gede....
giginya udah ada 5 yang nongol, ada satu lagi on the way mau nongol...
udah bisa ngerangkak
udah bisa duduk sendiri tanpa harus dipegangin
bawaannya mau berdiri terus
ga bisa diem
demen kejer2 handphone
expresinya makin banyak...
lucu....
makin mirip bokapnya...

besok back to toko....capeee banget...ehuehuee....kacau lah...

yeeemm....

udah lama banget ga ngelongok dunia maya...
cek email and ada yang kirim email begini,
"besukur coz masih dikasih cobaan, krn itu artinya Tuhan punya keyakinan sama diri lu.
..... coz God believes in u."

darn....kalimat itu bener2 bikin gua lumer...selumer-lumernya....sekaligus bikin gua tenang...
thanks ya buat yang nulis itu.... :)
hehehhe...i love ya!

wah, baru inget...blom bayar cable!mateeeee....dohhh...moga2an ga diputus deh!

moving forward to my life...
let's see....what's new ya?uuummm....

lagi banyak-banyak berdoa....banyak banget...kayanya anytime gua pasti 'talkin' with Him...
lagi sibuk banget still talkin' to Him....

belakangan ini i'm tired...really tired....physically!pegel mak betis gua...eheuhue...
belakangan ini i have no life yow!
i need to go out and have fun.....
sabarrr, sabaarrr....sebentarrr lagi i will go out and make it official!yeaaah!!
dohh..pengen nonton neh....tapi tiada kawan....udah banyak pula pelem2 bagus yang kelewat!
ya sutra lah.....ga apa2...nanti juga bisa nonton lagi...ehehehe...

ngantuk!

eerrr # 2

akhir2 ini lagi seneng online...walo ga jelas juntrungannya...
akhir2 ini battling with myself...well, battling with my emotion sih sebenernya...and keadaannya imbang nih...i havent won the battle yet!darn!i will...i will...

trus apaan lagi yaaahhh??
nothing sih sebenernya...*nohhh kaann...ga jelas banget juntrungannya* heuheueu...

bego ahhh

too slow

waktu jalannya terlalu lambat...kenapa ga bisa dicepetin...
sehari berasa seminggu...

hari ini i asked God one question over and over again, what He want me to learn out of this whole thing?

belakangan ini...setiap bangun tidur ada satu kalimat yang popped in my head - 'Dan kucinta dia...'
aneh...aneh...anehh....beneran aneh...

capeeee deh...fisik and mental...
somehow ya...im glad kalo gua sakit...kan kudu makan obat tuh....jadi ngantuk...and ga perlu mikirin ato kepikiran yang aneh-aneh...
lately, my life is hard....
duh...roda kehidupaannn...kapan sih situ naek lagiii???

eeerrrr.....

lagi chatting ama one of my friends dari milwaukee, si comi.
he gave me some comforting insights about love and life.
ga tau mau jot down soal apa, tapi his opinion comforting aja.
biasa lah lelaki, logic banget...ehueheue...
one thing yang dia bilang, "dont assume too much!"
itu juga yang lagi gua coba....menjalani hidup ini dengan sebaik2nya...
the rest, gua serahkan ama yang di atas sana....

oh ye, i wanna say thanks to kendi for showing her butt up today at my house. i took it as God's confirmation that He doesn't want me to be alone even for a few hours during this time. and most importantly, it was God's confirmation that i would never be alone. i also wanna thank her for the hug. i need it!
Thanks ya!!!!!*huggiiiieeess*

oh ya lupa....

There was this girl whom I just met once, Dea.
She was about 9 years old.
And apparently dia uda kenal bokap duluan, trus waktu liat gua pertama kali dia tanya ke bokap.

Dea (D): Om, ini anaknya om ya?
Bokap (B): Iya.
D: Cantik ya....
Bokap mesem2 doang...

and as for me.....langsung kegirangan n bilang "makasiihh yaaaa!!"
she made my day yesterday. heuheuehue....

Accorcing to me, life is ....

About making choices. Hopefully, you make the right one.

About how you see things. There are 2 sides of a coin, and it depends on you on how you are going to see an event from.

About conflict. When you solve conflict A, conflict B is already waiting for you to be solved. A never ending set of conflicts.

About learning. And we will never stop learning until we stop breathing.

About achieve your happiness. So work your ass off.

Not about giving up!

hari ini....

cape banget...
kaki gempor banget
tenggorokan sakit...
kuya!

ada satu kejadian yang shocking banget...
gua tanya sama salah satu orang di toko, "ci, cinta sama om SL ga?"
trus dia langsung bilang 'engga!'....
gua tanya lagi, "seriuuusss ci????"
dia bilang, "iya seriiusss!" *pasang tampang serius banget*
nah...gua bingung deh, ngapain kawin from the first place?

dunia emang aneh-aneh aja....
geblek-geblek gini gua percaya sama pepatah "love conquer all"....
sounds so corny ya...tapi gua percaya....
aneh...ehuehueuhue....

this is gonna be a meaningless post....

beler....makan obat tadi...

ke toko....dagangan laris....terima kasih Tuhaaaannnku...

belajar jadi lebih kuat....and im working on it....

ngantuk...lalalalala....

ga mau tidur malem-malem ah...

lagi baca cosmopolitan...i love that magazine!

lagi belajar balance logic and perasaan...

i miss milwaukee....will go back to that city somehow, someday...

i miss my old apartment...sitting by that blue ikea desk watching the city lights....

aku cinta gulingku...

lagi berjuang untuk masa depanku...

the show must go on, with or without a him!

lagi mikirin dagangan...duh barangnya abis...stress barang dagangan kurang...

rambut udah panjang lagi nih...kudu cukur...

seriously thinking of checking up my health....

agustus!cepet doonngg dateeennnggg.....

kok jadi makin ngantuk yaa?

ah mau lanjut baca cosmo lagi ah...

take care people!!

akibatnya ....

akibat makan ga teratur belakangan ini, hari ini gua drop....teler....

akibat berdiri mulu di toko, betis gua keker and pegel-pegel....

akibat kepanasan di toko, berat gua turun lagi....kapan gedenya neh gua??

akibat tereak-tereak mulu di toko, leher gua sakit banget sekarang...

akibat punya barang dagangan di toko, punya penghasilan....hooorrrreee!!!

ga nyambung neh yang dibawah, tapi gua mau post ajah....hehehehe....
"Ya dan Tidak adalah jawaban yang paling dapat diterima hampir semua pertanyaan. It's Simple.!!"

I can't wait until August!!!

gerah!

gua lagi gerah sama orang yang ga jelas...
resenya ajubileh...
apa lagi sama orang yang ga tau maunya diri sendiri tuh apa...
bentar-bentar ngomong berubah-ubah....

gini gitu takut.....blom coba apa-apa takut...blon apa-apa udah jiper duluan!
mau result tapi ga mau usaha....

ga pernah liat something positif...negatif mulu yang diambil....
kapan mau happy?

little things take holds banget, and did something to prove yang sama sekali ga masuk akal, lagian mau prove apa?that you have the guts??childish banget!
if you do have one, you know exactly what to do kok!

too much excuses, there are thousands of valid excuses tapi yang penting tuh NIAT dari diri sendiri...niatnyaaa...itu aja...kalo emang ga niat ya susah ampe bego orang ngomong juga ga bakalan bisa deh!!!!!!

do you wanna grow up?dewasa itu pilihan....as simple as that!

pathetic!

ini blog gua...gua bisa post whatever i want to post!
buat siapa pun yang baca n berasa ketoel....who cares!!!?!?!

And....

It's over.
I've done everything in my power.
I've done my part (lebih sih sebenernya!DARN).
I'm done!

Enough is enough!

Things I learnt lately ....

Satu,
jangan takut menghadapi apapun dalam hidup generally. Jangan belum apa-apa udah ketakutan duluan.

Dua,
be positive! try to find the silver lining in every bad event. jangan mikir negatifnya doang, soalnya kalo gitu terus kapan mau majunya?

Tiga,
never make any decision base on impulse or emotion only. Karena that decision ga akan tahan lama. Never say you are ‘sure’ before you think thoroughly (using balanced logic and emotion).

Empat,
face your fear! Kalo ga begitu, you are always gonna be a coward.

Lima,
money is important. But it is not everything. Never put money above everything!!!! Dosa!

Enam,
belajar berserah diri ama Tuhan.

Tujuh,
belajar bersabar….dan ngertiin rencana Tuhan.

Delapan,
you are what you think!