these days

been sick since the past two days.
huk...
got flu and cough....
i think the fever is on its way...
the headache is almost here....i can feel it!

sipping a hot mint tea is calming.....
the cough is less....
the headache is getting closer....

blabbering around

this is gonna be a random post....

meet up with the girls a PS...
anaknya amoy mirip banget amoy ya....gile...

ujan nih...
love the rain and the gloomy sky....

besok kerja lagi...
not really looking forward sih
but somehow i think (I THINK) i still have the semangat button in my system...
i can feel it!

i congratulate myself for being able to hold back any shopping desire today!
fiuh....leganya gak belanja...

ate sushi tei, as i expected....eehehehe...

looking forward to go to bali this october....
also, looking forward for the possibility of going to surabaya next month....
never been to surabaya, so i wonder itu kota kaya apa sih...

thinking about when my braces will be out?
hopefully before november 2009, but if not....oh well, i can live with it!

feeling of eating rambutan....
makan ah...

my hair is soooo long, but still manage to ignore it somehow...
promise myself to cut in on may *crossing my finger*

thanking God the almigthy for every tiny little thing in my life....
trying to be a better person and not panicking....

lots of documents crap to be taking care of for the wedding....
try my best to enjoy every single step of this wedding preparation.

feeling of watching dvd later...
nonton ah....

makan rambutan plus nonton ahhhh....

On Being Stressed Out

Just got off the phone with my wedding planner.
She said I'm the most stressed out client!heheheh...
Am I?Really??

I had this dream few days ago, it was the D-day. We all gathered in the Church. But the pastor was missing.
Turned out I forgot to booked him the flight!!!!
argh...

bangun tidur aja panik....ahauehae...
It was 9 months before the D-day and I had nightmare already!
Can't wait what's next....hehehehehe....

learn on how to let go of everything

i know i'm suppose to be pasrah...
to let go....
and not try to have control over everything...
especially this thing....

you have no idea how hard i tried...
you have no idea how i wish i took things easily....

im so freakin out....
stressed out!
my body show signs to stop stressing and relax
but my head just cant accept it!

argh!
i hate it!!!!!

please help me....help me....help me...

but deep down, i know i'm gonna be alrgiht...
gak ada problem....i know...
cuma this suara hati belom sekuat pikiran in my head....

waaaagggh!!!

*praying buat besok ke dokter*

aduh.....

stress deh....
this is a tough case deh....i really hate it!
man!
udah banyak yg dikasih, cuma blm ada yg pas gitu...
arg!

kesel deh hari ini....

i just wanna gooooo

siang hari di kantor....

di kantor...
gak mood...
mau telpon...
di ruang meeting aja...
sepi soalnya...

sigh...
kenapa ya?

looking forward to this weekend...
smoga ga ada perubahan rencana
coz im tired disini...i need udara segeerr...

The Greatest Gift of All - Jim Brickman & Michelle Wright

It's not the flowers, wrapped in fancy paper

It's not the ring, I wear around my finger

There's nothing in all the world I need

When I have you here beside me, here beside me

So you could give me wings to fly

And catch me if I fall

Or pull the stars down from the sky

So I could wish on them allBut I couldn't ask for more

'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all

In your arms, I found a strength inside me

And in your eyes, there's a light to guide me

I would be lost without you

And all that my heart could ever want has come true

So you could give me wings to fly
And catch me if I fall
Or pull the stars down from the sky
So I could wish on them allBut I couldn't ask for more
'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all

You could offer me the sun, the moon

And I would still believe

You gave me everything

When you gave your heart to me

But I couldn't ask for more

'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all

You could give me wings to fly

And catch me if I fallOr pull the stars down from the sky

So I could wish on them all

But I couldn't ask for more

'Cause your love is the greatest gift of all

love, love, love this song....beautiful lyrics!

i think....

i'm in that moment again!
feel so bored with my job.
otak udah ga bisa diajak kerjasama lagi...
ga bisa mikir even udah dipaksa.

bosen...seriously...so boring....

gak nemuin semangat untuk kerja lagi...
kenapa ya?

feeling guilty....real bad!

oh well, better start working my ass

sleepy head!

after lunch....
ngantuk banget...
beler berat...
otak mampet banget....
parah nih..
baru jem 1 lagi...
5 long hours to go....

today's event

satu dari serangkaian event udah lewat...
lega....
fiuh...
and i can say it went well. walo ada little incident, still great!
so....great!

lalalala.....

after sometime....

after sometime....
....watching
....noticing
....looking
....analyzing
....thinking

and then I decided
....those whom I can be friend with
....those whom I can trust
....those whom I can lean on
....those whom will landed a kick on my ass

These are the things in my head at 1.59pm

mau kentut

gak sabar mau pulang, mau makan bakut....how i love bakut

now udah mau poo and just realized i haven't poo today.

thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking.....

can't wait to go home and playing my games!

freakin out

Okay,
I have a reason why I'm freakin out....
It's because wherever I go, I heard people getting cancer...
dammit!
It's freaking me out!

stress banget deh....hik...

'You need a miracle tomorrow'

You never know when God is going to bless you!!
Good things happen when you least expect them to!!!!!!!!

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,

I thank You for my being able to see

and to hear this morning.

I'm blessed because You are

a forgiving God and

an understanding God.

You have done so much for me

and You keep on blessing me.

Forgive me this day for everything

I have done, said or thought

that was not pleasing to you.

I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe

from all danger and harm.

Help me to start this day

with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.

Let me make the best of each and every day

to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind

that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper

over things I have no control over.

And give me the best response

when I'm pushed beyond my limits.

I know that when I can't pray,

You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be

a blessing to others.

Keep me strong that I may help the weak...

Keep me uplifted that I may have

words of encouragement for others.

I pray for those that are lost

and can't find their way.

I pray for those that are misjudged

and misunderstood.

I pray for those who

don't know You intimately.

I pray for those that don't believe.

But I thank You that I believe

that God changes people and

God changes things.

I pray for all my sisters and brothers.

For each and every family member

in their households.

I pray for peace, love and joy

in their homes; that they are out of debt

and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this

knows there is no problem, circumstance,

or situation greater than God.

Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.

I pray that these words be received

into the hearts of every eye that sees it in Jesus' name.

Amen!

Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves!! God I love you and I need you, come into my heart, please. Know that you are already blessed by the person who sent this to you.

today

my mood isn't in a good stage today.
a very bad one!
very sensi!
not feeling like talking.
not feeling like smiling.

males deh....

GEMES!

okay, here's the thing...
pernah ga lu ngerasain you are in the border?
less than 1 step lu sebenernya bisa sampe disana?
but unfortunately, due to out of your control circumstances akhirnya ga bisa sampe sana?
damn!
that what i feel yesterday!and a little bit today.

about my performance review.
my company that im working for is a performance driven company.
my boss know that i work my ass off!but unfortunately, the numbers in the paper didnt show that!
dammit!
there's nothing she can do since all promotion shall be reviewed by the headquarter in hong kong.
and of course, they look at the numbers.
f*ck!
its not fair!how the hell i know that that freaking online system really dragging me down?
its so not fair. i help them to get money and they didnt put my name in the system just because they didnt understand!!!dammit!
dammit!
dammit!
dammit!
dammit!
dammit!
dammit!
..............

anyhoooow, talked to my boss about it.
and it was very important for me that she know i work hard!

im so freaking angry yesterday!
but today im okay.... :)

lets enjoy the saturday....lalalala

biasa deh

banjir telah tiba!
officially banjir since 13 jan 2009. parah!

thanks God rumah dan sekitarnya aman...

kemaren nyetir dari TA parah banget ujannya, sampe jalanan di depan ga keliatan...
blaahh...

my first conference experience

Shenzhen, China
January 9-11, 2009

The Venue was great.
We stayed at Futian Shangri-La Hotel. New hotel. Great room, great amenities, great bathroom, great new building. LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!!!!!

The event was (sorry to say) boring.
The game was (again, sorry to say) damn boring. garing gitu deh!hehehehe....

The weather was superb!
Love the cold weather!Love the chance to be able to wear my long coat again.

The food was kinda sucky since I don't like chinese food!
They taste the same = blah....

Then, after conference we (dito, heriln, awi, and me) continued our journey to Macau.
Stayed at The Venetian for 2 nights.
The room was large but it was okay. I prefer the Shangri-La.
The Venetian was great. It recalled my memories back in 2004 when I went to Las Vegas for my last Spring Break during college year.

The first night we did Venetian sight-seeing. I was so tired. Sleepy!
Didn't buy anything. Only looking around.
Ate dinner at Venetian Food Court - when I got my doze of burger after almost 4 days full of Chinese food. I was so glad!

The second day - SHOPPING like crazy!Got my stamina and mood back!
So broke!but so happy!so oke lah...
Went to St. Paul's Ruins. Took some pictures. Went back to the hotel around 7 o'clock. Dropped our stuff in the room. Then continued to the Shoppes at Four Seasons. Of course, didn't buy anything. :)
Ate dinner at Venetian Food Court - it was good!
Then, did a little shopping in Venetian.
Since we were leaving the day after - need to do some packing.

The third day - Leaving for Jakarta
Arrived in Hong Kong from Macau by TurboJet. Did last minute shopping. Got myself a watch (hihihi).
Flew back to Jakarta.
Nyot picked me up. pulang deh.....

and my holiday was over....uhuk....

when day one in 2009 is almost out.....

new year....
2009...
time flies....

things happened...
some work out, some didn't

....hopefully this year is gonna be a great year...
amen!

....semoga ga males lagi...
amen!

....semoga kesehatan baik2 saja....
amen!

....semoga keuangan baik2 saja....
amen!

....semoga relasi dengan Tuhan, keluarga, teman-teman baik2 saja....
amen!

....semoga semakin menjadi dewasa...
amen!

....semoga semakin menjadi bijaksana....
amen!

....semoga keadaan dunia tidak semakin aneh2 saja...
amen!

....semoga menjadi orang yang semakin baik...
amen!

amen....amen....amen....

Things to do today

wash all the clothes

mop the floor

iron the clothes for the past 4 days *siiiggghhh*

wash the dishes

----- I'm officially a maid today!

Christmas Eve

Today is the 24th of December.
A day before Christmas day.
Also my first holiday.
No more working in 2008.
Will go to Church tomorrow.
-- Saint Peter Canisius International Catholic Parish @ 11am
Will go with my love one.

Still at home.
Browsing the net.
Feel a lot better after the flu attack yesterday.

du...du...du...du....

hari ini....

serasa hari terakhir kerja di taun 2008
-- padahal belom....baru hari kamis...and my last day would be in 3 working days....

pake celana pendek ke kantor
-- siap maen...

ga niat kerja
-- bite me!

napsu blanja lagi menggebu-gebu
-- parah! i need more money....

pengen ke JACC deh
-- this saturday maybe??we shall see...

monday afternoon.....

ngantuk.
gotta call people....
malas....
useless...
six more working days
--- then i'll enjoy my ass down on a holiday...

n g a n t u k

December Makes Me Feel This Way

Autumn waves good-bye
And the changing of the seasons
Brings a change in me.
I see with different eyes
I get a sense of all of Natures possibilities
Its like the world is new

And precious as a baby
Life is sweet as children at play
And love is true and there in every heart
December makes me feel this way

Friends and family
Strangers on the street are smiling at me
Inhibitions disappear
Laughing in the snow
I wish that I could know this feeling
Every moment of the year

The world is new and as precious as a baby
Life is sweet as children at play
And love is true be there in every heart
December makes me feel this way

The spirit will guide me
Ever I am lost this sky its going to find me
When I am unsure It will remind me
Of who I am and I can be

December is inside of me
And love is true in there in every heart
December makes me feel
December makes me feel this way
Life is sweet as children at play
And love is true and there in every heart
December makes me feel this way

- Dave Koz

it's confirmed!

we are going to macau on january....

we = herlin, awi, dito and me...
yaaaaayyy.....

we're gonna stay in venetian...yiiihaaa....

sakit ati.....

gua sakit ati....
he's a bastard!

mongki

lagi ada trend baru di jakarta....
topeng monyet!
it's not cute!
it's not nice!
it's cruel!
it's heartless!

I HATE IT!!!!!!!!

kukuku cantik....

Kemaren menikur and pedikur...
I enjoy it so much.
Im happy....
pretty nails and no cuticles....
kukuku cantik....
will be back for sure...but dont know when...

:)

zzz.zzz.zzz.

saya ngantuk...

ugh...

went to body jam session with cindy last night.
the result: i cannot feel my legs...

next destination(s)

okay, been thinking about my next destination....
rrr...rrr...rrr...
it's either Thailand or Australia.

If went to Thailand:
I really wanna go to Bangkok. Shop at the weekend market, Chatuchak. And shop at the night market, Suan Lum Night Bazaar.
Did a little research, they said Chatuchak is cheaper.
Next year, we are going to Phuket for our team building. I think it'd be nice if we can extend for 2 nights and stay over in Bangkok. hehehehe....

If went to Australia:
Cities I'd like to visit: Sydney, Gold Coast, and Melbourne.
Visit the Movie World, Wild World, Surfer Paradise.
And strolling down that Classic Melbourne city....

Anyhoooow, UK is still my dream destination. But I feel it's not time just yet.
So, let's go somewhere else first then....hehehehehe

On Rootote

Check www.rootote.com.au out....
I like their products...especially, the medium luxe one..
and I'm going to get it myself...somehow, someday...

Read my lips: I'M GOING TO GET IT MYSELF!!!

on being a consultant

Something popped in my mind this morning.
ternyata...dulu gua pernah punya cita2 untuk jadi consultant...
and look at me now....im actually on the road to become one....
but what did i do?nothing!
damn...better start working on my dream!!!

empty jakarta

how i love the empty jakarta....
it's so nice....

waktu tempuh dari cawang ke airport (lewat tol tj priok): about 20 minutes....can you believe that?
waktu tempuh dari airport ke mt haryono: 25 minutes with 60-80km/hr...one more time, can you believe that?

duniaku indaaahh...
lalalalaaaa.....
i love driving...uhhuuuyyy (today only)

pengalaman pertama....

Date: 27 Sept 2008
Time: 3.20pm-ish
Location: Per-empat-an Pancoran to Kuningan
Event: Merry's Birthday Dinner

Policeman (P): *sign* stooooppp!!!
Me: *thinking: hah?!?DAMN!!* Drove to the side of the street
P: "Sore, mbak. Kalo lampu merah berenti, mbak. Bisa liat SIM-nya?"
Me: *looking for my driving license and gave it to him without say a word*
P: *mesem mesem* "Jadi gimana nih?Mau tilang atau 'titip sini' aja?"
Me: "Tilang aja pak!Saya minta tiket biru aja."
P: "Mau tilang ato 'titip sini' aja?Kalo tilang nanti sidang dan SIMnya ditahan di pengadilan"
Me: "Tiket biru aja, pak. Nanti SIM saya gampang saya ambil aja di pengadilan!"
P: "Titip sini aja deh..."
Me: "Tiket biruuuuu, saya mau tiket biruuu...tilang aja!!!"
P: "Titip sini aja deh, titip sini aja deh..." *half begging sambil mesem mesem*
Me: *thinking: Yeehh ni polisi rese banget sih* "Tiket biru ajeee paaakk, ga masalah soal SIM"
P: *masih mesem-mesem* "Titip sini aja yaaa...."
Me: *looking for a small change in my car, got twenty thousand rupiah, and gave it to him without even looking*
P: *mesem mesem and returning my driving license* "Selamat jalan ya, mbak!"
Me: *Thinking: rese lu!!* "Slamat Lebaran pak!"

After Lunch

we ate at Lapo for lunch today.
it was sooooo gooood.
but cannot tahan the smell...

had this headache since morning.
cenut...cenut...cenut...

well, at least its friday....
i love friday....

mouth control

i didn't have a mouth control lately
everything just blabberred out of my mouth without any filter a.k.a my brain!
hehehehe.....

on dissapointment

remember someone name dissapointment?
have you ever meet him?
if you have not, let me introduce him to you...
here you go, his name is dissapointment.
he basically is everywhere.
he might stays here and there for a period of time.
and when you wants him to stay longer, it's a super easy thing to do.
on the other hand, if you want him to go away right away, it's a super hard thing to do.

if you haven't meet him in a long time,
let me remind you of him.
he will haunt your back from time to time, whether you want it or not.

and as for me, he's with me now.
so close!
and still can't i shoo him away.
why?

REJECTION sucks

hi up there!

hi up there...
i know its been a long time since our last conversation.
well, more to im talking to you.
sorry :(

how are ya?
hope are well.

is it possible if i asked you one thing?
...please heal my untie....she's having cancer...
this is her second time...please help her and her family...

it's friday!

Today is Friday.
Thanks God for Friday. :)
In the office. Working. Spending hours in the day.
Not sure what to write. hehehe
Just want to scratch here and there. hehehe....
oh well, its friday....

friday....

Back at One - Brian Mcknight

It’s undeniable that we should be together
It’s unbelievable, how I used to say that I’d fall never
The basis is need to knowIf you just don’t know how I feel
Then let me show you that now I’m for real
If all the things in time, time will reveal
Yeah

1 - one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it’s plain to seeThat you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with meIf ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one
(yeah)

It’s so incredible, the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it’s all about, hey
And undesirable, for us to be apart
I never would’ve made it very far
’cause you know you got the keys to my heart
’cause...

Repeat 1

Say farewell to the dark of night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child, whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
Just in the nick of time

*it's been a loooooonngg time since the last time i wrote in this blog. miss it!
And I know, I'm not really writing :) but still, there's an update after almost a year....hehehehehe....

ps. just realized the lyrics is so good!thinking of using this song for our enterance procession. hhhmmm....

Dari mataku....

Piko itu....
Anjing pertama yang gua kenal in my life...the one I had closest encounter with.
Dikenalin waktu gua kelas 2 smp.
Kesan pertama: GALAK!
Tapi I think we get along well.

Piko itu...
Anjing pertama yang gigit gua, dibetis....

Piko itu...
Rasa2nya suka sewot ama gua...soalnya gua demen banget isengin dia....
tiup-tiup dari bawah pintu, kekepin kupingnya, kekepin moncongnya, kekepin mukanya....
Dia suka keki ama gua, sampe akhirnya dia ga peduli lagi kalo gua godain...

Piko itu...
Ga mau digendong ama gua...udah sebel duluan kali yeee...

Piko itu...
Paling hobi nangkring deket gua kalo gua lagi makan...trus ngeliatin isi piring gua...and biasanya gua ga tega....soooo gua kasih makanan lah dia....

Piko itu...
Dulu suka gua ajak maen dikasur...garuk-garuk....
Dulu punya bantal kesayangan...suka gua rebut and dia murka ama gua....

Piko itu....
Paling suka kalo gua garuk-garuk dibelakang kuping and leher bawah....he simply cannot decided harus nengglek kemana kepalanya kalo gua lagi garuk kuping kiri dan kanan at the same time...

Piko itu...
Makin tua makin gendut...trus mulutnya bau...ga tau kenapa....tapi dia tetep ganteng...the most handsome pom ever!

Piko itu...
Kalo tidur lama-lama bisa celentang....ngorok pula...

Piko itu...
Ga pernah marah ama Pika even kadang si Pika suka kelewatan. He has a good heart. If he were a human, I think he'll be a great one!

Dear Piko,
It is through you that I realized I have heart for dogs. Thanks ya...
Have a pleasant life up there. I know you are gonna be a supper great dog as you always do.
It is surely super nice knowing you. :)

Garuk-garuk,
Me.

Gurnee Mills, Gurnee, IL

Went shopping at Gurnee Mills with PB.
That reptile store still freaking me out. I ran passed by it without even looking at it, like I always do. *grin*
Took a peek at Banana Republic Factory Store, T.J. Maxx, GAP, Abercombie & Fitch, and so on....on...on...
Kept the goodies I bought in my hands.
They were heavy, but I just didn't feel it. I was so happy.
So excited!
I smiled like I was never smiled before.

.....

It's all happen while I was sleeping.
Darn!

*I Miss Millioke and beyond*

today is my 2nd day

Been working at Bo Le Associates since yesterday.
Still in the learning process. Still don't know what to do and how to do it.
Here, we are all grown-ups. No one will remind or tell you what to do. You simply need intiative.

I have this job I need to do, but I'm just too lazy to do it right now. hohohoho...
Promise, will get this thing done by today.

Well, gotta back to work yow!

millioke...

strolled that old building complex
touched that old cold walls
felt the wind blow my face and hair
still can feel the coldness
wore the same black coat
stood on the same spot
breath the same old beer odor...

and then...
i woke up
i was in milwaukee....in my sleep....
i almost chocked....
i almost cried...

it was so real....

SPIDER PIG!

SPIDER PIG, SPIDER PIG, does whatever a SPIDER PIG does, can he swing, from a web, no he can't cause he's a pig. LOOOK OOOOOOOOOOOOUT, here comes the SPIDER PIIIG!

yeah, spider pig!!

baru pulang...

dari cicurug and bogor...
kesan hari ini...KENYANG!

tadi pagi ke JPCC...baru pernah tuh...
idup banget tu gereja....and kotbahnya oke banget...bulan ini lagi ngomongin soal pernikahan, family, relationship...gitu2 lah...so practical....sebenernya pengen liat lagi...pengen denger lagi...tapi ya minggu depan ga bisa....

song leadernya keren abis...gila gila gila gila and gua kaget banget pas dikasih tau dia umur 38!!!!whaaatttt???tiga-puluh-delapan tahun????????and punya 2 anak????
and he looks so bloody young....kaya orang umur 27 ato 28 gitu lah...
ampiiiirrr naksir gua...untungg kagaaa....
gaya asik banget, suaranya bagus, rambutnya oke, punya dimples, namanya bagus pula....aih!!aih aih aih...ga abis pikir deh gua....

mengapa ooohhhh MENGAPAAAA cowo oke di dunia ini is either taken or gay???MENGAPAAAAAA???
tenang, ni...tenangg.....one day, one day....cowo yang oke buanget buat lu lagi disiapin....tenaaannngg....*wink wink to the big guy up there*

n g a n t u k

ngantuk...
artinya sleepie...
artinya mau tidur..
artinya butuh tidur...
artinya mau peluk guling...
artinya mau masuk slimut...angettt...

tapi...
blum mau tidur..
mood tidur blum ada...

laper...
yaaahh.....
tadi padahal udah makan banyak...
kacauu...

aku...
mau apaaa....
lalalalalala....

not proud of these things!

losing my weight since the past 2 monts...
it's time for me to really eat up!

in the midst of complaining and asking stupid questions to the big guy up there
im human maaahh...
but im no ordinary human, im a positive human...so tomorrow i'll be back to the stronger me...

hehehehe....

die hard 4.0....checked!
harry potter 5....checked!
simpsons the movie....checked!
transformers....uncheck juga ga apa2 lah....
hehehehhe...

udah bersukur bisa nonton tuh pelem2 listed above...hehehhe...

trus ngapain aja ya kemaren?
i feel better, much better....walo kadang2 suka masih agak2 blank tiba2....
tapi langsung get my mind on something...
talking with people who cares really helps lighten my burden....sumpeh...i dont know what would i do without them....mungkin sekarang gua masih 'gila' kali ya....
and im glad im not!!!wooooohhhoooo...

oh ye minggu depan mulai tenis...yay!akhirnya...belajar juga...tau de bisa kaga...euehuehue...

Still learning ....

To love God more and to put Him as my first love object.
….Really don’t know how yet…please show me God….

How to forgive and forget.
….Coz I know ga ada gunanya benci sama orang karena itu cuma akan merugikan gua. Besides, apa lah artinya idup tanpa pengampunan?

To see things from God’s perspective or dengan kata lain belajar jadi orang positif
….Bener-bener ga gampang, coz it’s all in my head. Semua prediksi-prediksi yang gua pikirin itu blom tentu terjadi. Mungkin aja malah the other way around.

To hear God’s voice
….I’m not sensitive enough (yet).

To give thanks in all situation in my life, the good and the bad
….At the end, pasti the best thing happen for me from my God.

To have peace in me….
…in my heart….

To love my life
….dengan segala kekurangannya ….

To let go of all the things that didn’t happen as I wished it to happen

To fight and do everything in my power in life
….And memasrahkan hasil akhirnya pada Tuhan…

To grow up and how to be the bigger person in life

To stop questioning and start believing

To be less selfish
…and start thinking about other people. Di luar sana banyak banget orang-orang lain, dunia isinya bukan cuma gua dan masalah gua….di luar sana masih banyak masalah-masalah yang jauh lebih berat dibanding masalah gua….

To live one day at a time a.k.a jalanin aja
…since there’s literally nothing (nothing!) I can do about this.

After all, life is about learning, heh?
We never really graduate from this school of life until our last breath….

Should I?

Start drinking coffee again??
some inside, please?

By Anonymous

To smile when the heart is heavy
And all is full of ill
When the path of life is dull
When the roses have all dropped and died
And their perfume now all spent
When stream dash madly, wildly on
With fury giving vent
When birds are silent in the trees
Beneath a sky cast grey
Yes, to smile when the heart is breaking
And joy has taken flight
Is ever a courageous thing
And so precious in God's sight.....

the peace inside...

udah keluarin unek-unek...
udah beruraian air mata...
udah feel soooo much (much much much) better...
getting better everyday...
terima kasiiihhh.... :)

ada yang tolol.....

tadi gua pissed off banget!!
gara-gara ada yang tolol...super tolol!
after mikir mikir lagi...well, it's none of my business, tapi kenapa gua bisa pissed off ampe segitunya...
tau ga sih perasaan gemmmmeeesss kok ada orang tolol banget!!!
tau ga sih perasaan you've said everything you need to say, tetep aje tuh otak kaga kebuka...
it's all in your head!!it's all in your mind!
stop thinking....just thinking without never started doing anything!
toloooollll!!!!
you'd better listen other people....jangan keukeeeuuhh/keras kepala dengan pikiran sendiri yang ujung2nya ga jelas kemana....disiiiittttuuu ajaa....
kapan mau maju??
duuhh!!gua ga ngerti deh!!!
gemmmmeesss bangettt!!
tadi nih ya gua pengeeeenn banget nonjok, nendang, gampar, plus jedotin!!*sadis banget yaaakk!!*

enough about ketololan....
moving forward...

lagi juggling nih...should i start drinking coffee ato engga ya??
binguuunng....anyone?any idea?
sudah bertanya-tanya ama yang diatas sana....tetep blon dapet jawaban...

udah 2 hari ini gua lagi baca buku "How to Deal with Your Broken Heart", this is the second time I read this book.
yang pertama kan dulu cuma baca begitu aja....tapi the second time it really opens my horizon...
it's indeed a great book!

ngantuk!

another reminder (AGAIN!!)

lagi iseng iseng baca bulletin board di friendster yang biasanya males gua baca....
trus nemu ini...
"The moral of this story is that when
things don't seem to be going your way,
always know that God has a plan for you.
If you place your trust in him, God
will give you great gifts. We don't always know what God's plans
are for us. We just know that His ways
are not our ways, but His ways are
always best."

lagi lagi dan lagi....thanks ya God...

eniwei, baru balik dinner ama edrik...
had a great conversation about life....
kita emang grow up....emang kita harus grow up...
grow up is a choice...ehuehue...i choose to be one!
most people choose to be one!eheuheuhe....don't they?heuhuheue....

bits update about me...
toko udah slower....*fiuh*...tapi tetep aje gua musti mengabdi ampe akhir bulan...tapi ga apa2...demi sesuap nasi seraup berlian...ga apa2....aku relaaa.....lalalala....
trus trus udah ga sabar mau skating lagi....pasti kaki pegel2 deh...
trus mau pijet *iye bo, lu gua traktir!bawel!*
trus mau ketawa-tawa menggila ama temen2ku tercinta semuaaaa...
dan tak lupa pasang radar untuk datangnya sang belahan jiwa dari Tuhan....tuuttt...tttuuuttt....

campur aduk....

cape...tapi ga pengen istirahat
ga ngantuk...

kecewa...yes, banget....
well, kecewa udah makanan sehari2 yah...
kalo ditanya soal apa....apaan ye?pokoke kecewa aja....eheuheu....

percaya...yeap, percaya...
i surrender all my life to Him...

mau nangis...yes, mau nangis...
cuma ga jelas gara2 apa....and i know gua sedih bukan things that happen in my life...those tears weren't for me....ga tau buat siapa...aneh ya....*kendiiiiii, i blamed you!!!you put those thoughts in my head!!!kutttuuuu!!!*

2 hari yang lalu baca blog one of my friend....isinya gini...
"That day, it got me to think..... really, don't settle for anything less... I'm not saying that the other 2 churches are anything less than FAC, but don't lower your standard for something that GOD put in your heart..... because it's something that HE wants you to have..... I still couldn't believe, it's everything and more.... I just need to be patience.... for HIS timing is not ours....
and I guess, the same thing should apply to soulmate.... don't settle for anything less than what GOD intended me to have... no rush... I believe in HIS timing, and it's always perfect...."

another reminder....lagi lagi lagi dan lagi....im glad...really glad....beneran.... :)
terima kasih ya Tuhan ya....
Tuhan bener bener selalu ngingetin rini.....again and again....terima kasiiiihh yaaa.... :)
terima kaaassssiiihhh......

Thank You All!

hari ini....
i'm glad....
sangat sangat bersukur...
banyak banget orang orang disekitar gua yang bener bener sayang n care ama gua...
thanks banget buat doa dan supportnya selama ini...

hari ini....
perasaan gua ga keruan....
gelisah gitu bawaannya and i didn't know why...
cuma ati gua bilang kudu berdoa...ya sutra loh....
berdoa lah saya (padahal kaga tau mau doa soal apa)....
and i'm okay sekarang....
lega lah....heheheheh

my 300th post!

okay...
ini list film yang blom gua tonton...
1. die hard 4.0
2. transformers
3. harry potter 5

ada yang mau nemenin nonton kagaaaa?
i'm available early august....temenin dooonnngg....*narikin orang-orang yang mau ditariiikk*
pllluuueeaaaseeeee......haaiikkksss....

masih berjuang ....

di toko...
....hasil berjuang di toko:
- betis and tulang kering pada biru-biru gara-gara kejedot-jedot lemari
- dapet penghasilan...YAY!!
- dapet pilek plus batuk...batuknya udah mau sembuh...ehehehe...
- dapet free juice every single day

....yahh begitu lah...i cannot wait to go out and have fun!!!!!

tadi liat ....

on our way ke gading tadi ama family gua liat bulan sabit and bintang yang teraaaaaaaaang banget...
itu bulan sabit ama bintang bisa berjejer side by side gitu...and keliatannya ga jauh dari bumi...deket banget ama bumi malah....
seumur-umur baru pernah gua liat something like that....
hari gini di jakarta yang penuh polusi gua bisa liat bintang terang banget udah suatu anugrah!heuhuehue....

tadi ke gading....liat si ding-dong after quite sometime ga liat....
udah gede....
giginya udah ada 5 yang nongol, ada satu lagi on the way mau nongol...
udah bisa ngerangkak
udah bisa duduk sendiri tanpa harus dipegangin
bawaannya mau berdiri terus
ga bisa diem
demen kejer2 handphone
expresinya makin banyak...
lucu....
makin mirip bokapnya...

besok back to toko....capeee banget...ehuehuee....kacau lah...

yeeemm....

udah lama banget ga ngelongok dunia maya...
cek email and ada yang kirim email begini,
"besukur coz masih dikasih cobaan, krn itu artinya Tuhan punya keyakinan sama diri lu.
..... coz God believes in u."

darn....kalimat itu bener2 bikin gua lumer...selumer-lumernya....sekaligus bikin gua tenang...
thanks ya buat yang nulis itu.... :)
hehehhe...i love ya!

wah, baru inget...blom bayar cable!mateeeee....dohhh...moga2an ga diputus deh!

moving forward to my life...
let's see....what's new ya?uuummm....

lagi banyak-banyak berdoa....banyak banget...kayanya anytime gua pasti 'talkin' with Him...
lagi sibuk banget still talkin' to Him....

belakangan ini i'm tired...really tired....physically!pegel mak betis gua...eheuhue...
belakangan ini i have no life yow!
i need to go out and have fun.....
sabarrr, sabaarrr....sebentarrr lagi i will go out and make it official!yeaaah!!
dohh..pengen nonton neh....tapi tiada kawan....udah banyak pula pelem2 bagus yang kelewat!
ya sutra lah.....ga apa2...nanti juga bisa nonton lagi...ehehehe...

ngantuk!

eerrr # 2

akhir2 ini lagi seneng online...walo ga jelas juntrungannya...
akhir2 ini battling with myself...well, battling with my emotion sih sebenernya...and keadaannya imbang nih...i havent won the battle yet!darn!i will...i will...

trus apaan lagi yaaahhh??
nothing sih sebenernya...*nohhh kaann...ga jelas banget juntrungannya* heuheueu...

bego ahhh

too slow

waktu jalannya terlalu lambat...kenapa ga bisa dicepetin...
sehari berasa seminggu...

hari ini i asked God one question over and over again, what He want me to learn out of this whole thing?

belakangan ini...setiap bangun tidur ada satu kalimat yang popped in my head - 'Dan kucinta dia...'
aneh...aneh...anehh....beneran aneh...

capeeee deh...fisik and mental...
somehow ya...im glad kalo gua sakit...kan kudu makan obat tuh....jadi ngantuk...and ga perlu mikirin ato kepikiran yang aneh-aneh...
lately, my life is hard....
duh...roda kehidupaannn...kapan sih situ naek lagiii???

eeerrrr.....

lagi chatting ama one of my friends dari milwaukee, si comi.
he gave me some comforting insights about love and life.
ga tau mau jot down soal apa, tapi his opinion comforting aja.
biasa lah lelaki, logic banget...ehueheue...
one thing yang dia bilang, "dont assume too much!"
itu juga yang lagi gua coba....menjalani hidup ini dengan sebaik2nya...
the rest, gua serahkan ama yang di atas sana....

oh ye, i wanna say thanks to kendi for showing her butt up today at my house. i took it as God's confirmation that He doesn't want me to be alone even for a few hours during this time. and most importantly, it was God's confirmation that i would never be alone. i also wanna thank her for the hug. i need it!
Thanks ya!!!!!*huggiiiieeess*

oh ya lupa....

There was this girl whom I just met once, Dea.
She was about 9 years old.
And apparently dia uda kenal bokap duluan, trus waktu liat gua pertama kali dia tanya ke bokap.

Dea (D): Om, ini anaknya om ya?
Bokap (B): Iya.
D: Cantik ya....
Bokap mesem2 doang...

and as for me.....langsung kegirangan n bilang "makasiihh yaaaa!!"
she made my day yesterday. heuheuehue....

Accorcing to me, life is ....

About making choices. Hopefully, you make the right one.

About how you see things. There are 2 sides of a coin, and it depends on you on how you are going to see an event from.

About conflict. When you solve conflict A, conflict B is already waiting for you to be solved. A never ending set of conflicts.

About learning. And we will never stop learning until we stop breathing.

About achieve your happiness. So work your ass off.

Not about giving up!

hari ini....

cape banget...
kaki gempor banget
tenggorokan sakit...
kuya!

ada satu kejadian yang shocking banget...
gua tanya sama salah satu orang di toko, "ci, cinta sama om SL ga?"
trus dia langsung bilang 'engga!'....
gua tanya lagi, "seriuuusss ci????"
dia bilang, "iya seriiusss!" *pasang tampang serius banget*
nah...gua bingung deh, ngapain kawin from the first place?

dunia emang aneh-aneh aja....
geblek-geblek gini gua percaya sama pepatah "love conquer all"....
sounds so corny ya...tapi gua percaya....
aneh...ehuehueuhue....

this is gonna be a meaningless post....

beler....makan obat tadi...

ke toko....dagangan laris....terima kasih Tuhaaaannnku...

belajar jadi lebih kuat....and im working on it....

ngantuk...lalalalala....

ga mau tidur malem-malem ah...

lagi baca cosmopolitan...i love that magazine!

lagi belajar balance logic and perasaan...

i miss milwaukee....will go back to that city somehow, someday...

i miss my old apartment...sitting by that blue ikea desk watching the city lights....

aku cinta gulingku...

lagi berjuang untuk masa depanku...

the show must go on, with or without a him!

lagi mikirin dagangan...duh barangnya abis...stress barang dagangan kurang...

rambut udah panjang lagi nih...kudu cukur...

seriously thinking of checking up my health....

agustus!cepet doonngg dateeennnggg.....

kok jadi makin ngantuk yaa?

ah mau lanjut baca cosmo lagi ah...

take care people!!

akibatnya ....

akibat makan ga teratur belakangan ini, hari ini gua drop....teler....

akibat berdiri mulu di toko, betis gua keker and pegel-pegel....

akibat kepanasan di toko, berat gua turun lagi....kapan gedenya neh gua??

akibat tereak-tereak mulu di toko, leher gua sakit banget sekarang...

akibat punya barang dagangan di toko, punya penghasilan....hooorrrreee!!!

ga nyambung neh yang dibawah, tapi gua mau post ajah....hehehehe....
"Ya dan Tidak adalah jawaban yang paling dapat diterima hampir semua pertanyaan. It's Simple.!!"

I can't wait until August!!!

gerah!

gua lagi gerah sama orang yang ga jelas...
resenya ajubileh...
apa lagi sama orang yang ga tau maunya diri sendiri tuh apa...
bentar-bentar ngomong berubah-ubah....

gini gitu takut.....blom coba apa-apa takut...blon apa-apa udah jiper duluan!
mau result tapi ga mau usaha....

ga pernah liat something positif...negatif mulu yang diambil....
kapan mau happy?

little things take holds banget, and did something to prove yang sama sekali ga masuk akal, lagian mau prove apa?that you have the guts??childish banget!
if you do have one, you know exactly what to do kok!

too much excuses, there are thousands of valid excuses tapi yang penting tuh NIAT dari diri sendiri...niatnyaaa...itu aja...kalo emang ga niat ya susah ampe bego orang ngomong juga ga bakalan bisa deh!!!!!!

do you wanna grow up?dewasa itu pilihan....as simple as that!

pathetic!

ini blog gua...gua bisa post whatever i want to post!
buat siapa pun yang baca n berasa ketoel....who cares!!!?!?!

And....

It's over.
I've done everything in my power.
I've done my part (lebih sih sebenernya!DARN).
I'm done!

Enough is enough!

Things I learnt lately ....

Satu,
jangan takut menghadapi apapun dalam hidup generally. Jangan belum apa-apa udah ketakutan duluan.

Dua,
be positive! try to find the silver lining in every bad event. jangan mikir negatifnya doang, soalnya kalo gitu terus kapan mau majunya?

Tiga,
never make any decision base on impulse or emotion only. Karena that decision ga akan tahan lama. Never say you are ‘sure’ before you think thoroughly (using balanced logic and emotion).

Empat,
face your fear! Kalo ga begitu, you are always gonna be a coward.

Lima,
money is important. But it is not everything. Never put money above everything!!!! Dosa!

Enam,
belajar berserah diri ama Tuhan.

Tujuh,
belajar bersabar….dan ngertiin rencana Tuhan.

Delapan,
you are what you think!

Nanya ya...

What the hell is your point sih?
Really don't get it!
Tell me....apa gua yang bloon ato lu ya bloon?

Maksudnya apa sih?
Say if you feel okay, then what?
If you not feel okay, so what??

Maaaannn.....apaan sih maksud lu??

Last year, someone gave this ....

Titik terlemahku = titik terkuatku.
Titik jatuhku = titik kebangkitanku.
Titik terjauhku = titik terdekatku pada Tuhan.
16.06.06

It was out of the blue.
She suddendly handed me this little note she wrote and smiled.
And I was there, bengong literally, but I took it anyway since I thought it was so rude to refuse!
The weird thing is, I didn't throw it. Instead, I keep it in my drawer and while cleaning some old stuff today, I found it.
Didn't understand its meaning back there, but now I do. It's such a comforting note.
Thanks ya! :)

Ps. God has a funny and misterious way taking care of His children.

some scattered thoughts....

- saying good bye is not an easy thing to do -

- lagi di erha clinic, kelaperan -

- i need to be strong....for me! -

- he left me.....biar lahh....bai-bai -

- pegel berdiri nih, tapi demi internet gratis...heheh -

- dingin nih -

- i promised myself, last night would be the last time i cried over the same stuff -

- it's time to shape up -

- it's time to look forward and never look back -

- it's time to move all the craps out of my life -

- spatu pink nike yg kemaren bagus ya....manis *wink wink to kendi* -

- belakangan ini hidupku penuh warna abu-abu -

- cari warna lain ah....yang kinclong.... -

- i'd like to get married someday -

- i will get married someday -

- i'd like 2 boys, please :) -

- kaskus.us errorrrrrr...yaaahhh -

- hari ini ujan seharian...still loving the rain -

- besok kudu semangat...yak yak yak...smangat smangatt! -

- aku masih banyak harus belajar tentang hidup, diriku, dan rencana-Nya -

- i'm not alone...i never alone... -

- mak gua kemana ya??kok ngilang...wah kacau -

- ini semua rasa sayang mau dikemanain ya?? -

- L A P E R -

- right at this moment, i believe that God's preparing me and someone out there to meet up and get married deh -

- i will meet him someday, when the time is right -

- kangen ding dong, ntar mampir ah -

- wah...mak beneran menghilanggg!!! -

- im a scattered person, heh?? -

I'm ....

--------------------------------------
Under Construction
--------------------------------------

On Saying Goodbye....

"If we are meant to be, we are gonna be in the same path called Love somehow, someday....."

-M.H.-

waktu ...

ga bisa diulang...
ga bisa diambil lagi...
ga bisa dicepetin....
ga bisa dilamain...
ga bisa di-paused...

cuma bisa dijalanin doang...

I wish I had that life remote kaya di film Click
hehehhee....ngayal boleh dong!

I'm trying....

Hang in there....
In the midst of my empty heart.....

haiyaaahh...
sabtu kelabu nih...
di rumah doang....lama2 begini bisa mati bego...

moga2an besok rammmmeeeee banget jadi ga ada waktu buat mikir yang aneh2...
biar cape banget, biar semaput pas pulang....biar langsung tidur.....

sepi yah....sepi banget.....haiiikkksss....sepi sepi sepi sepi sepi sepi sepi sepi sepi sepi....

hhuuummmppppffttt....

hari ini tanggal....

dua puluh dua juni...

yep....
dua puluh dua juni....

Correction.....

babi putih dan babi item maen ama laba-laba diawasin sang putri-putri raja
*laris laris mannniiiisssss...kepret-krepret duit keatas barang dagangan*

Bummer!

Ke toko...
Arrange some stuff on display....
Ate hot noodle...
Mencret-mencret dengan suksesnya....well, it wasn't the noodle's fault sih, more to padang hot sauce crab we ate last night...
To add the bummer-ness of my day, idung mampet...kaga bisa napas...
Ini udah megap2 kaya ikan keluar dari aer...
Nenggakkin po chai pills udah 3 botol hari ini, ganti haluan ke imodium saking udah parahnya...
Perut suakkiiitttnya ngajubileh..mules2 gitu deh...

sekian ulasan hari ini....

scattered

lagi pengen marah-marah, tapi ga pengen keluarin tenaga buat marah2....

tadi nyetir di kala ujan geeeuuudddeeeee banget....i enjoyed it sih...ehuehue....sendirian dikala ujan....aih...sebenernya lebih enak ada yang nemenin sih, tapi ya apa daya diboil sendirian...eheuhe...ya dienjoy ajeeee....

ke gading, liat my little ding dong...masih ngenalin gua...hihihi...senangnya...
still can smell baunya dia...ehuehuehue....

dagangan hari ini oke...senangnya...

oh ye, waktu ke glodok 2 hari yang lalu tuhh...masa ada abang2 bajaj kencing ditengah jalan men...cuma dia tutupin pake pintu bajajnya...AMIT2 BANGET!!indonesiaaa ooohh indonesiaaa..kapan mau majuuu coba??ckckckck...

banyak nyamuk nih...

besok ke toko deh...rapiin dagangan...ehehehe...excited...
tapi pasti panas banget deh...

ga mau tidur malem2 ah...
udah ngantuk....
gua cape....physically and mentally....ehuehuehue.....parah!

tidur ahh....

Clearly ....

We are not on the same page
.......

kalimat ini....

"babi item dan babi putih temenan ama laba-laba."

*terinspirasi dari barang dagangan*

Note: sampe kebawa2 mimpi nih dagang....euheuheu....gilaaaa....

Ditulis 14 Juni 2007

Hiruk-pikuk pasar mewarnai waktuku.
Hilir-mudik mengisi pandanganku.
Ramai! Rusuh! Heboh!
Orang-orang terlalu berisik.
Derungan knalpot mobil dan motor terlalu ribut.
Teriakan trompet kendaraan bermotor memekik telinga.
Kabut karbon dioksida beracum berjejal-jejalan mengisi paru-paru.
DIAM! SEMUA DIAM!

Dengarkan detak jantung kalian. Bersyukurlah jikalau kamu masih bisa mendengarnya. Tandanya kamu masih hidup.
Aku bersyukur aku masih hidup.

Sekarang, coba dengarkan suara hatimu. Masihkah ia disana?
Hmm...Hening. Hei...hei...kemanakah dia?
Sunyi...Mungkin dia tertidur. Coba kuintip...
Hei...hei....tidak ada tanda-tanda kehidupan.
Tak yakin juga, coba kulongok...Benar-benar sepi.
Dia tidak disana.

Aku....aku berdiri ditengah-tengah hamparan kosong hatiku...
Kenapa semuanya gersang? Tiada lagi taman penuh warna dan bunga. Semua mati!
Tiada lagi tabuhan lembut ombak bergulung-gulung. Kering!
Sekarang hanya ada tanah retak diterpa kemarau tak berkesudahan.
Sekarang hanya ada lautan kering yang kupikir tak akan pernah mengering.

Hai...hatiku hampir mati.
Aku tidak punya hati yang utuh lagi, karena dia telah membawa sebagian besar hati ini.
Aku berdoa supaya dia yang membawa hatiku tidak menyia-nyiakannya.
Aku berlutut di depan yang Maha Kuasa untuk keutuhan hatiku yang hancur untuk kedua kalinya.
Aku masih ingat rasa sakitnya, perihnya, pilunya dan dalamnya luka itu. Luka yang kupikir tak akan pernah kembali.
Ternyata aku salah besar! Dia kembali! Kali ini lebih dasyat.
Lalu apa yang harus kulakukan?
Sering aku terisak di kegelapan malam. Tanpa kata, tanpa kawan. Hanya aku dan air mataku.

Simfoni ini bukan untuk melagu...
Simfoni ini bukan untuk berdendang...
Simfoni ini simfoni buta nada.
Simfoni ini simfoni kekelaman hati ini.
Simfoni ini simfoni kegalauan hati ini.

.......

let's see....

Hari ini ke toko...as usual...
Dagangan stationary lumayan loh...thanks God...
Mood juga okay hari ini...
Lagi ga mikirin soal cinta...ehuehue...
Semuanya kupasrahkan saja...the best is yet to come....
Jelas2 lagi mikirin soal cari duit...huehuehue....

Banyak nyamuk di rumahku....uuu....uuu....
Jempol kaki dihajar juga...duhh...gatell!!tapi ga bisa digaruk..

*ga mutu banget ya isinya nih entry, abis tangan gatel pengen update*
hehehehe....

hik....

sedih....
sedih....
sedih....
sedih...
sedih banget....

Tarian Jemari

Aku adalah manusia tak bernada dan tak berlagu.
Pita suaraku buruk.
Hanya tarian jemari yang mewakili diriku.
Tarian sepi tanpa nada dan lagu.
Uraikan kata coba ungkap isi hati.

Lahan putih menuntun supaya kata-kata tersusun rapi dan lurus.
Kuinginkan hal yang sama dalam hidupku, rapi dan lurus.
Tanpa kelokan-kelokan maut yang dapat menerjunkan aku ke jurang tak berujung.
Tapi kenyataan berkata lain.
Hidup yang kujalani seratus delapan puluh derajat dengan keinginanku.
Patutkah aku menyalahkan Sang pencipta?

Aku hanya manusia.
Tidak sempurna dan tidak akan pernah sempurna.
Keinginanku kadang tidak masuk akal.
Emosiku kadang meluap-luap tergodok darah mudaku.
Logikaku kadang mati.
Kadang aku hidup tanpa arah.
Hanya berpasrah pada hembusan angin.
Terserah...kemana aku mau dibawa.
Aku pasrah!

Tarian ini bukan tanpa makna.
Tarian ini torehan pena hidupku.

Dikala sepinya hidup, aku berlari menuju lahan putih.
Dia yang dapat mendengarkan celotehan-celotehanku.
Dia tidak pernah menghakimiku.
Dia diam seribu bahasa.
Dia yang akan menyimpan berjuta memoriku...
Cuma dia....

ngaco nih....

dunia ohh dunia emang uda menggila...

kadang dia kejam...
kadang dia menyenangkan...
kadang dia bikin orang naek darah...
kadang dia ngebingungin...
kadang dia nge-bt-in...
kadang dia bikin orang mau marah...
kadang dia bikin orang tak bedaya...

blak blak blak...keteplak!!

oh begitu...

Kalo lu emang mau menghindar dari gua....ngomong aja....
ga usah 'kabur' segala....
ga usah ngomong dengan nada yang ga enak kalo ditelpon ama gua...
and dont call me just because ga enak ati....JUST DON'T!!!!

Don't you have the guts to talk to me?

MENGECEWAKAN!

cerita hari ini....

midnight...
cabut ke RS Mitra Keluarga Gading. My little Ding-Dong got hospitalized. I cried (well, not cried sih, tapi ngembeng gitu lah) when the nurses put the needle into her pembuluh darah!HORRIBLE!
Thanks God she's okay today. :)
Pulang jam 2 pagi....teparrrr....

5:50am
Bangun....cari teh since mata sepet banget, sikat gigi, mandi, ganti baju...bengong2 depan tipi...
By 7:00 am I'm done.

7:25 am
Jalan menuju Trisakti. Mau nonton pertandingan Judo. Pikirnya tol macet, so decided to take a joki instead. Tapiiii apa mau dikata...sepanjang jalan sampe kuningan kaga ada jokinya....sekalinya ada, tampangnya kaya garong....ga jadi deee seremm...daripada dirampok (AMIT2 jangan sampeee) mendingan kena tilang ato nyogok polisi aja deh....
Tibalah kita di lampu merah kuningan and sang joki yang ditunggu2 ga ada juga....ya sutra...belaga gila aja (ato kalo kata gua f*ck it!)....so jadi deh kita lewatin daerah 3 in 1 tapi cuma berdua....pake acara berdoa segala supaya tuh polisi kaga ada yg ngeliat kita cuma ber-2....
Thanks to Kendi yang kept me occupied with the round and round talking (since dia sendiri juga tegang!) supaya gua ga tegang....
alhasil....slamet lah kita lewatin rawa 3 in 1.....Thanks to God yang dengerin doa kita....ehehehhe...

8:00
Tibalah kita di Trisakti. Salah arah waktu mau cari tempat parkir...walah...kacau...untuuunng ga ada mobil laen....
Bermodalkan PD, ke-ga-tau-maluan, and HP melangkah lah kita cari gedung serbaguna, tempat dimana tanding judo diadakan....eehh ketemu...it was a piece of cake...ye bo ye?

9:00
Pertandingan di mulaaaaiiii!!banting sana banting sini...pengalaman baru lah liat tanding judo...ehuehue.....
Thanks to olwin yang ngundang kita....

12:00
Pulang lah kita dari trisakti....abis makan ayam bakar yang kebanjiran kecap....ga kira2 tuh mbaknya nuangin kecapnya...ckckck....tapi mending lah gua....daripada ada yg makan nasi goreng bonus lalet goreng (gede lagi) *lirik2 orangnye* euhueheue...gila tu tempat...amit2!

1:00pm
sampe lah di rumah...
nongkrong dulu di cawang....ngobrol2...yg makan nasi goreng lalet minta ayam karage 6 potong...eheuheuhue....

3:00pm
anterin si pemakan lalet pulang....waktu balik ke cawang macet banget yaakkk...sampe rumah lagi jam 4:30....

5:30pm
cabs ke tebet ama edrik....we had a great conversation...sharing lah basically....People grow over time ya....gila....jaman sma dulu mah ngocehin ulangan, sekarang ngocehin hidup...aih aih...aihhh...
By 8:30pm...pulang lah ke rumah....

Now
online dehh...liat2 whats new.....

dot dot dot dot....

Denyut nadi berlomba dengan derasnya aliran darah. Kepalaku pening….

Pikiranku penuh kabut. Seperti asap rokok yang kehadirannya tidak dikehendaki. Ia datang dan menggangu.

Satu pil yang kutenggak tadi tidak menunjukkan kekuatannya. Kepala ini tetap pening. Pikiran ini masih berkabut. Berapa banyak pil lagi yang harus kutenggak sampai akhirnya kepalaku dapat tenang?

Otakku kaku. Hatiku beku. Jiwaku layu. Ah…semuanya kacau!

Adakah gerangan yang mengerti rintihan naluri ini?

Detak detik-detik jam dinding kamarku adalah kawanku malam ini dan mungkin malam-malam yang akan datang.

Pil-pil itu masih ada disini. Apa harus kutenggak lagi? Tapi rasa-rasanya mereka tidak akan berguna. Otak ini tetap kaku. Hati ini tetap beku. Jiwa ini tetap layu.

Jiwaku mendendangkan lagu pilu yang menyayat kalbu. Lirih. Perih. Sedih.

Iris saja raga ini sampai nafasku tak bersisa. Lalu bakarlah!

Lepaskan setengah sisa raga ini ke tengah lautan. Biarlah aku mengapung bebas dalam relung-relung samudra menelusuri muka bumi. Sendiri. Hanya sisa ragaku dan hati bekuku.

Terbangkan setengah sisa raga ini ke langit biru. Biarlah aku menerawang di angkasa menerobos gerumulan gumpalan-gumpalan kapas diatas sana. Sendiri. Hanya sisa ragaku dan hati bekuku.

Aku yakin, suatu saat diantara bumi dan angkasa aku akan menemukan kebahagiaanku…

Hanya untukku….

Should I?

Spending the whole day at home...

....Thinking....

Thinking about learning ice skating seriously. From the very basic....
How ya?

hockey break....

zuuuiinng....zuuuiinnngg....zuuinngg...zuuiinngg...
SRROOOKKK!!

bunyi hockey break-ku....hehehhe...
i'm getting there...or am i there already?

senangnya...
emang ga jago main skating, but i'm always happy kalo disana...
i don't know why....
hehehehehhe....
skating skating ooohh skatingg...kucintamuuu....dung dung dung dunnnggg....

clingak-clinguk...

aih....
dunia sepi banget nih...
pada kemana kahh?
migran dari tadi kaga ilang-ilang...
problema kehidupan menghantui...
semoga segalanya akan baik-baik saja...
cape nurutin orang melulu...
skali-kali mau dong ngelakuin apa yang menurutku oke...
skali-kali pengen make decisions without mikirin perasaan orang lain...
egois?
sekali-kali perlu kali ya....

aku mau happy....itu aja...nothing more, nothing less....

dung dung dung dung dung dung.....
money money money....$$$$

ps. i love pink!

This is exactly how I feel

I wonder if you know how special you are to me.

I wonder if it shows how wonderful I think you are...

Or how many times a day I think of you...

Or how excited I feel

whenever I look forward

to being with you

and holding you close.

I wonder if you can read my mind

or see into my heart

and know how happy I am to have you in my life.

Sometimes I don't know how to let you know...

But if I ever imagined

someone perfect

for me,

to be my love

and share my life

it would be someone

exactly like you...

And i

just wondered

if you knew....

(Ellen Brenneman)

Dear God,

If you want me to wait...I will...that's okay....the best is yet to come...

Thanks for everything, God...Really....thanks...

Love,

Your kid.

about ice skating

i had fun last night...
went skating...
seru...
anak-anak itu membuat aku melupakan masalahku for few hours...
ketawa-ketawa sampe pipiku sakeeett...pegel...
suara abis...tenggorokan kering ampe batuk batuk...
lucu....
thanks guys....