the randomness of me

Dari kemaren dadakan pengen bikin tato. Something simple. Few words maybe.
Di both pergelangan tangan. Still no idea mau tulisan apa...

Pengen cukuuur. Will chop my hair short short shoooorrrttt (kalo mood belom berubah)

Need something sweet, literally and figuratively...

Life been too flat lately. Bosan. Is there something more out of (my) life?
Udah pada eneg kali ya denger gua ngoceh bosan bosan bosan...sorry! Emg bosan!

Pinggang sakit dari tadi subuh. Ga jelas kenapa. Need more exercise i think?

Ga napsu makan. Ga semangat ngapa2in. Cuma pengen pergi aja. Kemana kek gitu.

Im seeing dots....ga jelas bakalan jadi bentuk apa. Cuma dots dots dots...

Pengen hong tang or blackball...pengen steak.

Pengen nangis, tapi ga bisa dan ga tau apa yg mau ditangisin. Galau meeeen...

Kok kayanya gini2 aja sih?

far

Let's go somewhere far....

Let's enjoy the world from different side, literally! Go to the other side of the world. Somewhere far, somewhere new...

Let's taste different life once a while. Take a break from our current life... take a break from our troubles... 

I'm itching to travel. Again! 

Well well helloooww...
Long time no see...

Lagi nemenin bocah bobo siang...
He's 19 months now...
Beberapa hari belakangan ini keliatan akal dan logika nya uda jalan banget deh.
Contoh: dia mau masuk ke tudung saji (yes, hobi duduk didalem tudung saji), sedangkan dia ga nemu pegangan. Dia geret2 tu tudung saji pake kaki sampe dia nemu tempat untung pegangan. Masuk and duduk deh...smart!

Rambut juga udah makin tebel looh! Panjang...menuju kegondrongan we go!!

Makan pinterrr....
Demen banget nonton!

Kosa kata juga nambah...the newest is "come" 

Udah 2 bulan nih di jakarta. Barang2 belon di unpacked semua. Belom punya tempat tinggal fixed. 

Still struggling....it wasnt even my war...i hate the fact that i barely can do anything about this. Driving me craaazzeeh you know! 
It's hard to relax lately. Head gonna explode kayanya...
I just want to have a happy life. Yea yea dont give me the-life-is-a-decision theory, ok? Just dont..

This thing is affecting our relationship. In a negative way...gggrrr....

Hopefully we can bounce up soon...

jakarta

Udah 2.5 minggu di jakarta.
Udah betah? Not really.
Feel like home? Not yet. Soon, i hope.

Ga napsu makan deh..
I know im getting skinnier (and not proud!)...males ngaca. Males liat diri sendiri. Too much on my mind...

Given lagi clingyyyyy banget. Belom betah juga kali ya dia?

Capeeeekk rasanya akhir2 ini....cape mental. Pengeeenn istirahat. Take a good rest.

Sigh...

last night in bali

Ga percaya besok pindah. Beneran pindah. Back to jakarta. Place i used to call home for almost all my life, until we moved to bali.

Bali been great. I love my life here. Despite the narrow roads and slow phase people, bali is way better than jakarta.
People are nicer. Look at my neighbourhood. We still tegoran walao we dont ngobrol. I feel save here.
Ya namanya org jahat ada dibelahan dunia mana, tapi i feel org2 sini msh lbh sincere.

Dari pertama pindah i know we will go back to jkt. The plan was at least we live in bali for 5 years. I understand plan can change. But sometimes i wish we are the ones who change the plan. Not circumtances or others.
Berasanya i have no control over my life. Kaya anak kecil yg cuma dikasih free time and when the free time is up you have to go back.....

Im gonna miss looking at the blue sky.
Liat given denger suara aeroplane sambil angkat tangan dan bilang "ccccsshhhh" sambil senyum2...
Im gonna miss jalan tol yg bener2 berfungsi sebagai jalan bebas hambatan.
Im gonna miss liat given ke pantai. Jalan2 di pasir. Nendang2 ombak.
Im gonna miss suara ombak dan tampolan angin pantai.
Im gonna miss having my own place dengan segala kekurangannya.
Im gonna miss my ugly annoying kitchen.

Bintang banyaakkk deh malem iniii...
Gonna miss that too!

Dear God,  please please please help me to accept things i cannot change. Please please make my heart bigger.

Thank you for the 4 years ride. For the experiences, for the memories.
It's not good bye, Bali. We will see you again....

We are moving, again!
Most of the stuffs are packed.
Level of excitment? Minus 100....
Not looking fwd dealing with jkt's hellish traffic.
Im so gonna miss bali. It isnt perfect, but better than jkt.

Mellloowww melllooww kelabuuuu....

Tidur aja de

cerita ceriti

Ke singapur.
Tigaan aja. Cape but very enjoyable.
Ternyata kita bisa travelling tigaan aja..yaaay!

Given bobo and makannya pinter. Was so afraid dia kecapean trus sakit. Amit2 deh!

Di pesawat juga being a very good boy. Anteng...Ada lah jerit2nya dikit.

Hepi bener liat dia hepi. Exploring. Jalan sana sini. Pegang ini itu. He is very friendly. Semuaaa org diajak senyum2. Nurun dari sapa ya? Ade n me kan ga friendly2 amat.

Lagi demen bgt kereta api, aeroplane, eskalator, and travelator...haha...

Looking forward for our next trip! Yay!

mine or not?

Bite me!
I don't want to go back. Things are crumbling down. And it's not our doing. Why the hell harus kita yg bertanggung jawab? Kenapa harus kita yg clean the mess?
Oh i get it! Life isnt fair ye? Not always get what you want or the way you want it to be...

Crap!

Auk ah...

almost midnight

Gak bisa tidur...
Agak banyak pikiran somehow....
Mostly mikirin the future...iye, tau. Masa depan ya ga bisa  terlalu dipikirin...tapi ya kepikiran...

Takut ga bisa sekolahin given diinstitusi yg ok....oh parenthood!

Kinda bosan juga ama daily activities...
Emak2 homestay mom emg canggih! Haiya..
I sometimes wish i could go out...have a face to face adult conversation sama sapa aja deh...segitu desperadonya ya...
But it doesnt mean i love given less or nyesel mutusin jadi mak rumah tangga. Not at all...cuma one of those times aja. Jenuuuhh bahasanya mah...

Bisnis lagi agak sepi nih. Kepikiran juga...
Haiya...

Kangen jaman skola. Worrying abt grades only...belom kenal de sama yg namanya masalah hidup...belooommm...
Tapi ya namanya manusia yaakk...kl dah punya ini eeeh mau itu...

Ah capek ah...tidur aja..

cicit cuit...

Babeh and anaknya dah bobo dari tadi...
Maknya? Wide awake...huhuhu....

Si given si given....
Lagi belajar jalan dia. Sebenernya udah bisa berdiri unsupported tapi belom PD kayanya.
Kalo jalan pake dorongan bisa de dia sambil mesem2...ahahaha...bocah!

Ngomongnya uda lumayan banyak juga dia. Such as: mom, mam, mamam, ten, gin (green), baun (brown), bam (ball/baloon), bem (car), dad, bird, down, baba, dada, bye.
See....mayan kann?

Kalo ditanya "are u hungry?"
If hes hungry dia akan jawab "mamam". If not, dia geleng2...

Mulai kenalan sama macem2 makanan.
Suka susu coklat. Demen pasta. Keju. Kentang. Ubi. Anggur. Brokoli. Kembang kol. Butternut squash. Tempe. And lately, demen gadoin corn flakes...
Suka biskuit...cemilan laa...
Basically, he's not picky (thank God!!!)

Suka denger lagu. Denger gua, yg notabene suaranya sember dan budeg nada ini, nyanyi juga dia seneng.
Main soft toys, baca buku, nonton tv. Atau gua lenongin pake expresi muka...x

Sekarang dah bisa joget2 dikit2 kalo denger music yg dia suka. Baru angkat2 tangan aja sih..

Udah tau mana kepala. Tapi selebihnya belom...ahahh...dia ga mau kalo diajarin. Somehow cuma mau kepala doaaang. Heheheheh....

Lately lg apet bener ama gua. I dont mind at all cuma kadang i need a break aja. Im human mah...cape juga...kl ga bisa take care of my self gimana mau take care org lain. Ya toh?

Itu kira2 soal given....

Then what about gua?
Apa bedanya sih sejak punya title "mami/mom" ? Buanyaaakkk!!!!

Lebih bersukur and lebih mellow tentunyaaaa...
Everytime i see his eyes, i see love. I see how God loves us.
I see hope. I see faith. I see our answered prayer. I see one boy with a good heart (ameeennnn!!!!)
I see my world.
Lebay ya? Bodo ah...ahahaha...

I never tot tidur less than 8 hrs ga bikin gua bt. And given gerak dikit aja gua bangun. Dulu kan kebo bener!
Dulu tidur kudu gelep gulita, sejak ada given gak lagi...

Ga pernah nyangka gua bisa kasih asi exclusively. I always tot gua tipe org yg gampang nyerah. But look at me! Been breast feeding for almost 13 mos. I think a great support system is all mom need, bukan cuman soal asi aja sih. All aspects of motherhood.

Never into online shopping. But look at me now. Wehehehe...less time to go to the mall laaaaa...

Gua bedoaaaa supaya given sehat, pinter, confident, mau belajar hal2 baru, suka baca...

Gua juga bedoaaa that i'll be a wise mom. Amiiiiiinnnn....

Getting sleepy here!
Good night!

on his 1st birthday

Note: typed this on his birthday. Wanted to add more but i lost words. So yeaaa...

Dearest Given,

Happy 1st birthday, my boy!
You are rocking my world in a way I'd never imagine. May you grow into a loving, confident, smart yet humble human being. May you always surrounded by love and be a blessing to others. Dream high, my boy, as there is no limit! Be brave and chase your dreams. Fly and soar gracefully.
Love you a great deal, kiddo!

Given,
Your 1st birthday is a huge mark of your and my achievements.
You as a tiny person who I pray to do great things in life (amen).
Me as a mother.

You are a crawling master, but refusing to learn how to walk (that's okay, take your time). You (still) smile A LOT. You like the color green

ngoceh ngoceh

uda di jakarta sebulan nih...
apa kabare rumah ya? and mobil. accunya piye? masih idup apa ya?

given dah bobo. 
in 13 days he'll turning one. setaon sodara sodara....setaon!!
belom punya birthday cake buat dieee....aih! kue2 lucu di bali jelek2...gimana dong...

gigi nya udah 8. 
few nights ago tidurnya amit2 banget deh...tapi skrg dah oke lagi...

rambutnya juga uda mulai keliatan...ahahaha....nanti juga numbuh lagi...no worries deh..
nurun dari gua kayanya rambut tipis...

ni bocah camnya uda ngerti kalo diajak main. dah bisa ngisenging orang. ngerti gitu kayanya kalo dibilangin, tapi suka ngeyel aje...malah sengaja.

makannya gak picky. termasuk ga susah lah anak ini makannya. semua diembat...senang!
nurun dari bapake kayanya mah...secara ye gua ini picky....

enough ngoceh2 for now...gotta think besok bocah makan opoooo!

saat paling ga enak itu.....

..... saat anak sakit!
Kaya sekarang ini....huhuhu...

If i could take his place i would deh...really.
Mendingan gua yg sakit drpd given.

He's a baby gitu...kan kasian ga comfortable. Murang maring. Tidur ga enak. Badan ga enak. Huhuhuhu....

Down with fever since yesterday afternoon. Sempet turun tadi pagi...eeehh...kok skrg naik lagiii?  Kasian kaaaannn...huhuhu....

Lagi bobo sambil dipangku.

Moga2an get better soon ya given :)

Mami loves you

a little bit of this and that

Waddap?
Dah lama ya ga ngeblog.
Been busy taking care of given and works. Ples males juga sih....ga ada mood nulis...hehe

Given udah 9 bulan. Cepet yah...
Sehat. Smart. Uda bisa berdiri sambil pegangan. Makanannya uda mulai bertekstur. Giginya ada 6. Dah makan biskuit. Seneng diajak jalan2. udah bisa protes. Still friendly. Udah mulai ngenalin orang dan boneka2nya. Seneng buku.

I can go on and on abt him...ahahaha...

What abt me?
Banyak belajar sabar. Moga2an uda jadi lebih sabar dibanding dulu ya....
Amiiinnn...

kangen bisa ngopi tanpa buru2. Kangen punya kuku cantik. Kangen pijet.
kangen tidur seenak2 jidat. Kangen being alone....
Its doesnt mean i love given less.

Ah ngantuk....bobo dulu!

yellow

So....
Waddap?
Dah lama ya ga update blog.
Ga ada energy nya....

Life been great. up and down

Whats new?
Given apa kabar?
Gua apa kabar?

Given is awesome.
One happy healthy baby...
Udah 7 bulan.
Giginya uda 3.
Cepet ya.
Kinda hoping nanti aja tumbuhnya...
Makannya pinter. Thank God!


Gua..im okay. But tired.
longing for a good massage.
A me time. Dimana i can enjoy a cup of coffee and a piece of cake tanpa terburu2.

No, im not complaining.

Bobo dulu deh
Tired....

6 months

Given is 6 months today!
Ate his first solid today.
Alpukat.....mukanya menyeh2...
Was panicking takut dia ga suka...
Tapi ya namanya baru belajar yah....
Hopefully tomorrow better....ameeenn....

Giginya udah nongol 2 biji dibawah. Mungkin itu salah satu alesan kenapa tadi mam nya ogah2an. Sakit yaaakk gusinyaaa...

udah mulai bawel juga ngoceh2...
Ma-ma-ma
Mam-mam
Pa-pa-pa

Banyak gaya juga. Udah gedeee deh keliatannya...

Bobonya termasuk gampang yah....
Thank God!

Kalo ngantuk alis nya merah.

Friendly baby! Mesem2 molo prasaan ama orang2. Gak heran banyak yg gemes mo pegang. Kok judes nya gua kaga nular ya...

Expressive bgt deh anak yg satu ini...ahahaha

Sakit skali waktu 4 bulanan...disentri for 2 whole weeks! Wkt ukur suhu badan 39c ini jantung rasanya mau copot! Stress pisan! Untung cuma lemes sehari. My strong baby!

I thank God for his well being, his development, his presence in my life....

Semoga saya bisa jadi seorang mami yg baik...amiiinnnn

at almost 3 months

Yellow....
Given is going to be 3 months old next week!
He's such a wonderful baby. Very sweet. Very nice.
Perkembangannya so far:
. Bb (by end of march): 6.7kg. pretty sure skrg more than 7kg.
. Panjang: 57cm
. Rambut makin banyak dan item
. Bulu mata gondrooooonng
. Alis tebel. Macho deh!
. seneng banget ketawa. Friendly baby
. Demen ngoceh2
. Kepelan tangan mulai terbuka tp blm bisa genggem barang
. Seneng liat warna merah
. Ankle nya ndut
. Banyak lipetan
. Seneng mandi, apalagi kl dicemplungin ke bak
. Minumnya kuat
. Seneng naik mobil. Duduk manis di carseat kecuali kalo laper
. Kupingnya mirip gua
. Dah mulai bisa nyeruduk kalo bobo

Kira2 begitu la perkembangan si bocah...

I proclaims...

....that i'm officially in love.....
.....with Given!

I'm a newbie in this motherhood journey. 
Had my highs and lows. but nothing compare to the reward i got. His first smile just for me. Heheheeehh.... Didnt catch it on camera. Let me keep it in my memory as a reminder that motherhood is the most rewarding job ever. 
Surprised my self, me, one of the most kiasu person about getting enough (8-9hrs) sleep,  survived so far sleeping for max 6 hrs a day. 

Daddy been really helpful. Thank God. 
Basically he can do everything but breast feeding - from diaper changing, giving bath, soothing to sleep, entertaining. 

How's Given?
He's been good. He's doing a great job on being a baby. His daily activities includes sleeping, feeding, peeing and pooping, crying, screaming sometimes, and lately smiling a lot!!!
He's not a fussy baby. Amen to that!

Last check up - 52cms, 5.7kgs. Overall,a healthy baby boy. And that makes me one happy mami :)

Perjuangan yang happy ending...

16 jan 2013 subuh.

ujan ga berenti2 all night long. 

mau ketemu opa handaya kan tanggal 17 jan. he's back from his leave. i was so glad that i knew for sure he was the one whose gonna help me during labor. 

tapi, apa mau dikata...setelah ujan semaleman itu, datenglah si banjir. alhasil, pagi itu sang suami agak2 panik yah. cari pinjeman mobil untuk kabur keluar gading, karena takut ga bisa keluar kalo banjir udah makin parah. 

jadilah kita pinjem mobil pak wilson. rencananya mau ke medistra, trus check in hotel somewhere yg deket medistra. secara yaaa...takut tiba2 mau lahiran.

otw ke medistra, dapet sms kalo dr. handaya praktek. ga kaget juga sih, banjir gitu...dia stuck juga. 

suprisingly, gua yang biasanya panikan cukup tenang. sangat tenang malah. kayanya ga mikir  yang jelek2 gitu. jiwa-nya lagi positip banget kali ya...ahahahha...

akhirnya we decided to stay at gran melia for 2 nights. 

ya leha2 deh di hotel. nonton2 tipiii...bengong2. tidur siang. hihiiihihihih....

19 jan 2013

check out hotel. ke medistra deh..ketemu dr. handaya. 

secara uda lewat seminggu dari tanggal perkiraan (41 wks), akhirnya diputusin untuk induksi  hari minggu, 20 jan 2013 jam 8 pagi. dikarenakan keparnoan banjir. akhirnya kita check in di medistra semalem. haiyaaa...nginep kok di RS ya?

20 jan 2013

jam 7 pagi, siap2 utk induksi. CTG dulu. jam 8 teng, obat induksi dimasukin ke badan melalui infus. trus ngapain selama induksi? kaga ngapa2in! bengong doaaang, nungguin si obat masuk. after 10 boring hrs, itu induksi kaga berasa apa2 di gua. perut cuma kenceng dikit...udeh gitu aja! diputuskan induksi hari ini selesai dan akan dicoba ulang 2 hari berikutnya. karena kamar rawat inep ga direlease. jadilah malem itu kita nginep lagi di medistra. hobi ya nginep di RS!hehehehe.....

21 jan 2013

pulang ke gading. balik gading langsung jalan2 ke mol, biar memperlancar proses lahiran. 

ngiter2 lah di mol ampe boseeeenn! agak2 eneg loh liat mkg! ew!

cepet capek lagii bawa2 perut segede2 gaban gitu...ahaeuhuae...

trus pulang deh...istirahat buat besok pagi. induksi lagi jam 8 pagi.

22 jan 2013

induksi ke-2! jam 8 teng lagi...

beberapa jam memasuki induksi ke-2, kontraksi uda mulai suaakkkiiittt bgt! kalo liat dari alat CTG sih uda di angka 127 which uda maksimal dan kontraksinya udah setiap menit bo!

around 3.20pm waktu mau tidur siang....tiba2 i felt something 'pop' inside. langsung bangun! dan ternyata my water broke! and i tot...this is it!! this is it! this could be it!

setelah beres2, salah satu bidannya bawa wireless and bilang dr. handaya mau ngomong sama suami. and then, i knew something was up! and i was right!

ternyata...air ketuban gua udah ijo = baby pup while he was inside. dan harus csect right now. denger itu rasanya....yaaah, perjuangan gua! perjuangan guaaa! i was SO disappointed!! i was scared. scared for my baby, takut ada apa2. 

suster langsung siap2in gua, untuk ke dibawa ke ruang oprasi di lantai 2. 

rasanya aneh...lewatin lorong rumah sakit, tiduran sambil kesakitan nahanin mules, liat lampu dan langit2 rumah sakit. hiiiiy...not a good feeling deh. beneran! like i was so small, ga berdaya, ga bisa apa2. ewww!! ga lagi deeee....

sampe di deket ruang oprasi, dr. handaya nongol sambil mesem2. "gpp ya, kita harus csect kalo ga bahaya buat bayinya." 

pasrah aja deh. bedoa yg banyak ama ade. then off i went to the operating room. dr. handaya didnt allow the husband to come into the operating room. 

ruang oprasi itu duiiinnngggiinn buangat! ampe mengigil. untung ranjang oprasinya heated ples dikasih selimut anget juga. suntik anastesi ga semengerikan yang gua bayangin. hurt for 1 sec only. 

godot sana, godot sini...and on 5.42pm i witnessed (through pantulan lampu ruang oprasi) my baby boy was pulled out of my tummy. he didn't cry for a mere 2 secs until dr. handaya cut the umbilical cord. 

we name him Benedict Given Liauw. 

he's our bundle of blessing. 

and he's our happy ending......

yah...mellow deh...updated 2 feb 2013

Almost midnight.

Lagi bbm-an ama si abo.

Gak berasa tinggal 19 hari lagi and then dia akan pindah. 

Berasa kecekek reality deh. huks!

Dan gua sendiri ampir officially jadi mamih. in less than a week.

God's timing is awesome!

Semua doa2 dan mimpi2 diwujudkan in almost the same time.

Crazy funny kalo dipikir2.

Typed the above few wks ago.

Abo is flying out tomorrow. Chokes back tears as i think about her leaving. Kapan ketemu lg? Beheha-hehe bareng. Bebacotan bareng. Ketiwi2 kaya orang gila bareng. Sigh.
Its not im not happy for her. Heck, i think im the happiest person after her.
Its been her dream for sooooooo long and she didnt give up.

I AM SO GONNA MISS MY CRAZY BEST BUD!!!!!!!!